Back Row Thoughts – The Shortest Blitz Ever

Every year when I do the Oscar Blitz, there are inevitably a few movies that I didn’t see before the nominations were announced. Most of the time these are documentaries or foreign entries that haven’t gotten a domestic release or that only had a minimal theatrical run earlier in the year. On occasion there’s a film that I intentionally skipped because I thought it would be terrible, and lost the gamble that the Academy wouldn’t give it a nod in spite of that.

Usually there are anywhere between five and ten pictures each year, plus the Shorts, which get released as a block in theatres about three weeks in. This year, however, there were only two. I’ve never come so close to full pre-nomination completion. Of those two, one was on Netflix and easy to tick off. The other required a massive tracking effort to find a special screening, because contrary to logic, common sense, and the spirit of Academy rules, it had not gotten a full public release, and won’t get one until the end of May.

Still, the work is done, so all that’s left is to review them. Two films remain in my 2023 backlog, so let’s get them off the plate!

El Conde

Nominated for its cinematography, El Conde is an intriguing and creative satire that has some fantastic imagery and a truly insightful underlying concept. The performances are fully committed, and the humor is on point. It might be a little inaccessible, but for the most part, it works quite well.

Narrated by Stella Gonet (who appears on screen late in the film in a fantastic twist), the story posits a fantasy world where former Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet (Jaime Vadell) is actually a vampire, and that he used political office as a means to literally and figuratively suck the blood of the general public. Whenever things become too dangerous, he fakes his own death and retreats to a family compound until it’s safe to resurface in another form.

For the events of this film, the aged Pinochet has grown weary of life, and is ready to die. As such, his wife Lucia (Gloria Münchmeyer) and all of his children convene at the homestead to potentially divide up his estate. Lucia encourages him to live, and continually pleads to be turned into a vampire herself, so that they can be together forever, a courtesy Augusto refuses to grant.

The almost farcical level of palace intrigue is a lot of fun, whether it’s Pinochet’s butler Fyodor (Alfredo Castro) having an emotional affair with Lucia, the kids groveling and trying to one-up each other as sycophants, or the arrival of a nun called Carmen (Paula Luchsinger) who uses an audit of the family assets as a means to destroy the vampires on behalf of the Church. Each angle is filled with gallows humor and outright absurdity, illustrating in glorious black-and-white the idea that politicians see their constituents merely as cattle. Looming in nearly every exterior shot is a guillotine, cleverly reminding the audience of the stakes the entire way through.

Given how well this was made, I’m a little surprised Chile didn’t submit it for International Feature. Don’t get me wrong, The Settlers was good, but if you want a better chance at a nomination or a victory in this category, the ability to be seen by millions of American eyeballs can only help. Given the expert camera work and the high quality humor, the fact that Netflix picked this up should have tipped the scales in its favor.

Grade: B+

Robot Dreams

One of the more original animated features I’ve seen in a while, I can honestly say it is a deep shame that basically no one can watch Robot Dreams before its Academy fate is decided. Director Pablo Berger has created a bright, lively, and surprisingly poignant tale of friendship and sacrifice, all against a fantastic backdrop of 1980s New York.

Essentially silent except for gasps and grunts, the story revolves around Dog, a canine who has trouble making friends. Socially awkward and unsure of himself, he sees an infomercial for mail-order robot companions, and decides to take a chance. When Robot arrives, Dog assembles him and powers him up, bringing his new pal to life.

Right off the bat, there’s a wonderful degree of nuance here, because at no point does Dog treat Robot as a machine or a tool. Robot is his friend. He may be artificial, but you can tell through actions and facial expression that he believes in Robot as a fully-realized person with his own agency. Dog teaches him about all the wonders of the city (set to Earth, Wind & Fire’s “September” in one of the best musical runners ever), but never orders him around or acts like he should be in any way subservient. Sometimes Robot’s enthusiasm for new experiences gets the better of him, but Dog rolls with it and enjoys the fun.

Things take a turn for the tragic, however, as summer comes to an end. Taking Robot to Coney Island, Dog enjoys an exhilarating day at the beach with his friend. Unfortunately, when it’s time to go, Robot’s power levels are too low to lift himself up, and he weighs too much for Dog to carry him. Stymied by police and city authorities, Dog is forced to leave Robot on the beach for months, as they went there on the last day of the open season. In the intervening time, Robot experiences pain, sadness, despair, and ultimately hope and joy. Meanwhile, Dog does learn to put himself out there a bit, making a few friends and even gaining a potential romantic interest. The whole time, however, he never forgets about Robot. When the time finally comes for them to reunite, it is a beautiful yet bittersweet series of events that shows an amazing level of maturity to present to a relatively young audience.

There are some flaws to be had, like the fact that Dog is the only animal in New York who doesn’t wear clothes, or that the cop on the boardwalk would be so obstinate as to not help retrieve Robot in the first place. But on the whole, I am floored with what Berger was able to do here, again without any dialogue. At the special screening I went to, there were dozens of families with children, and the kids were entranced the entire time. Given the lack of words, fart jokes, and pop culture references they can understand, that is an incredible feat. Hopefully this won’t be forgotten with its lack of public release, because you deserve to be enchanted by this movie.

Grade: A-

***

That’s it, we did it! I have successfully cleared off 155 movies! Thank you all so much for coming along with me, and now all that’s left is to get to the Oscars to finally close out 2023’s cinematic legacy!

Join the conversation in the comments below! Did you see either of these films? Which did you like better? Which American politician is the closest to a vampire? Let me know! And remember, you can follow me on Twitter (fuck “X”) and YouTube for even more content!