Yeah yeah, you know I was going to use this meme as a cover pic eventually. You can stop rolling your eyes. But there is a point to why I decided on such a tired joke to preface this particular edition of the column. And that's the fact that this month is almost entirely about … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – May 2022
We're officially 1/4 of the way through the year! WOO! I guess. Anyway, now that the Oscar Blitz is complete and the book has been fully closed on 2021 (the Razzies even recanted their "prize" to Bruce Willis after he announced he had aphasia - but weirdly they didn't take back their "Redeemer" award for … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – April 2022
I'm knee deep in the annual Oscar Blitz, one that has been marred by the Academy's flabbergasting decision to relegate over a third of the categories to a pre-taped ceremony. So what better time than now to highlight the absolute crap coming in the month of March that the ruling corporate powers would rather pay … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – March 2022
Ah February, such a wonderful time of the year. A season of love, a time of reflection on racial history, and also, horror movies... somehow. Yeah, I don't know if you've ever noticed, but the second month on the calendar tends to be the testing ground for the year in cinematic terror. Even though October … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – February 2022
The worst year ever... since the one before it, is finally over, and today, we officially begin our journey through the 2022 canon of cinema (even though the book is not yet closed on 2021). Unfortunately, it's only January, a bleak, cold month where the days are darkest and spirits tank after the highs of … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – January 2022
It's the holiday season, and bad movies are the gifts that keep on giving. This year is no exception. As Awards Season reaches its peak, there are oh so many also-rans and downright pieces of shit out there that studios are hoping to make some money off of in the meantime, either by selling them … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – December 2021
We're in the thick of it now. Awards Season is officially underway, with the first submission deadlines come and gone for next year's Oscars. The studios are making their major moves, planning their releases as well as their For Your Consideration campaigns. In most years, this would also be the point where checks would start … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – November 2021
I love October. It honestly might be my favorite month of the year. My mother's birthday is at the beginning, and my nephew's is at the end. There's costumes and candy to be had on Halloween, as well as some good-natured scares. When I lived on the east coast, it was the time when fall … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – October 2021
First things first, my apologies for not getting this column out sooner, as we're already into Labor Day Weekend, and some of the "films" (air quotes) mentioned here have already been released. The last few weeks have been insanely busy with my 9-to-5, leaving very little time to take care of business here. I still … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – September 2021
The dog days are upon us, ladies and gentlemen (and everyone in between), and they're more dogged than ever! Half the country is in drought, my state is on fire, and the shallowest end of our collective gene pool is actively trying to get us all killed, AGAIN, because they're too selfish to put on … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – August 2021
I Actually Paid To See This 