Oscar Blitz 2025 – Live Diary

At long last, the time has come. After weeks of analysis, scrambling to clear backlogs, and a healthy amount of insomnia, tonight is the night for the 97th Academy Awards. The stars have come out to shine, and they’re all wearing ridiculous outfits so they can talk to vacuous morning show hosts posing as “journalists” before going inside the Dolby Theatre, wedging themselves uncomfortably into chairs not built to accommodate such audacious fashions, and watching as the stalwart Conan O’Brien guides us through the biggest night in entertainment!

As always, I’ll be here live, continuously updating this post with my real-time reactions to all the goings-on. No matter how much I bitch, moan, complain, or just joke in said manner, this is my favorite night of the year, the absolute pinnacle of my passion for film, and I’m honored that you’ve chosen to take part in it with me.

3:00pm PST – We’re two hours away from the beginning of the ceremony, so get yourself settled, and I’ll be back when we’re fully underway!

3:02pm – Scratch that, we’re only an hour away! I’m used to it starting at 8p/5p, but instead it’s 7p/4p. I’d better shower quick!

3:55pm – Five minutes to go. My roommates made me sit through the red carpet bullshit. Here’s your recap. Timothée Chalamet looks like a literal Twinkie, Ariana Grande is a lamp, and if I had to sit next to her, I’d scream “THIS IS FUCKING BOLLOCKS!” the entire time as she encroached on my space.

4:01pm – The ceremony opens with a lengthy montage of clips of films shot in Los Angeles… at a time when so much film and TV production has moved to Atlanta for tax breaks, followed by Ariana Grande singing a song from the film she denigrated (featuring a Moon instead of a rainbow for 90% of it), then Cynthia Erivo proves she has 20,000 times more talent by singing a song from The Wiz, then “Defying Gravity.” So basically the first seven minutes of the Oscars are devoted to reminding us of the movie that we had to suffer through eight months of hype that began with last year’s Oscars. Full circle in the most annoying way. At least Erivo is a world-ending bit of awesome and the way she upstages Grande so effortlessly is satisfying.

4:10pm – Conan O’Brien birthed from Demi Moore’s back certainly beats my fanfiction.

4:11pm – “Please welcome four-time Oscar viewer…” First joke lands.

4:14pm – “Anora uses the F-word 479 times, which is three more than the record set by Karla Sofía Gascón’s publicist.” BOOM! ROASTED!

4:21pm – Adam Sandler makes what will be his only appearance ever at the Oscars, given his snubbing for Uncut Gems.

4:25pm – The “I Won’t Waste Time” number is funny, but it feels like a cleaner version of Seth MacFarlane’s “We Saw Your Boobs” song from a few years back. I approve.

4:27pm – Robert Downey Jr. on first to get Kieran Culkin out of the way early. For some reason he’s sloshing his words like he’s half drunk, half doing a Holly Hunter impression.

4:30pm – Supporting Actor goes to Kieran Culkin! No surprise, but 1-for-1!

4:32pm – Culkin’s anecdote about his wife and kids is hilarious, almost makes up for not mentioning his brother.

4:38pm – It feels so weird to hear Andrew Garfield’s real voice.

4:39pm – Animated Feature goes to FLOW! Holy crap! First upset of the night. I’m 1-for-2, but I don’t care. This is a wonderful film. It’s on Max right now. See it if you possibly can. This is a potential all-timer in the field of animation!

4:43pm – Animated Short goes to In the Shadow of the Cypress! The Shorts are always hard to call, but this is really a great winner. The minimalist style is beautiful. 1-for-3, but I’m very happy so far.

4:54pm – This Bowen Yang bit is excruciating. Just give Costume Design to Wicked and be done with it already.

4:57pm – I do appreciate giving the below-the-line nominees the same laudatory treatment that the actors and directors typically get, but this is going on for far too long. Is this why we started at 4? To make sure we STILL don’t finish by midnight?

4:59pm – And as we all knew, Costume Design goes to Wicked. 2-f0r-4.

5:06pm – I mean, I’ve always pictured Nick Offerman as my inner monologue…

5:07pm – Amy Poehler here to hand out the Screenplay awards. “As Shakespeare said, writing is a bitch.”

5:09pm – Original Screenplay goes to Anora! 2-for-5, and it looks like this will be a coronation for Sean Baker.

5:10pm – “I’d like to thank the sex worker community.” Well, we know what Fox News will be bitching about all day tomorrow.

5:11pm – Adapted Screenplay goes to Conclave! That’ll be the big win for one of the best also-rans. 3-for-6.

5:16pm – These commercials are more cringe than Bowen Yang. I mean, seriously, I wish I could have been in the meeting where Volkswagen was like, “You know what would be a great way to sell our NEW van? Reenacting an underwhelming SNL skit that’s 15 years OLD, and where all the actors look like desiccated corpses!” GENIUS!

5:21pm – June Squibb and Scarlett Johansson out for Makeup and Hairstyling, which naturally goes to The Substance! 4-for-7, and I don’t quit!

5:25pm – Halle Berry comes in to breeze through the Governor’s Awards, only to set up a James Bond montage because Amazon just bought the franchise and decided to pay for the time, even though we literally did a Bond tribute, like, four years ago.

5:27pm – By the way, the nominated songs will not be performed tonight, but we have time (after an “I Won’t Waste Time” song) for some random K-pop star and Doja Cat to do a medley of Bond themes. I’m sorry, but no. If you’re going to sing “Live and Let Die,” you either bring out Paul McCartney or fuck off.

5:31pm – This is god awful. It’s not like McCartney, Shirley Bassey, and Adele weren’t available! And Doja Cat’s dress looks like she escaped from a bukkake shoot.

5:37pm – Nice riff on the Nicole Kidman ad, but it would be better if we just got rid of the ad.

5:38pm – Daryl Hannah comes out with a “Slava Ukraini.” No matter what she does, she wins.

5:39pm – Film Editing goes to Anora. Sean Baker’s going to win four Oscars tonight. This is wild. 4-for-8.

5:42pm – Da’Vine Joy Randolph comes out to give Zoe Saldaña Supporting Actress, and sadly turned the wrong direction while addressing Monica Barbaro for the scripted praise. 5-for-9.

5:43pm – Great speech, Zoe, but “quiet heroism?” No. Rita spent the whole movie bitching about corrupt men, then worked for a murderer just because she paid you more and became a woman. Fuck off with that nonsense.

5:53pm – Ben Stiller introduces Production Design on a set that looks like it was a rejected set from The Gong Show. The stage riser bit is funny, though. The award goes to Wicked, so 6-for-10.

5:57pm – Mick fucking Jagger!

6:00pm – Original Song goes to “El Mal,” as we all knew it would. 7-for-11.

6:08pm – “We’re halfway through the show, which means it’s time for Kendrick Lamar to come out and call Drake a pedophile.” Damn.

6:09pm – Selena Gomez and Samuel L. Jackson are out to present the Documentary prizes. I’m not a Selena fan, but damn that dress.

6:10pm – Netflix’s check clears, as The Only Girl in the Orchestra wins Documentary Short. 7-for-12.

6:13pm – Documentary Feature goes to No Other Land! The Academy just made a statement for Palestine and against the Israeli government. Genuinely stunned, but happy. Also, man my picks are sucking right now. 7-for-13.

6:16pm – Fuck yeah, Basel and Yuval! Calling out the injustices that our government endorses and pleading for peace. Go for hours if you want!

6:23pm – Bringing out LAFD firefighters for jokes, which is amazing. Doing it right after the Fire Chief got fired is a bit odd, though.

6:26pm – Sound goes to Dune: Part Two. Legit upset, given what A Complete Unknown did. 7-for-14.

6:28pm – The irony of cutting off the Sound guys. Wow.

6:29pm – Gal Gadot and Rachel Zegler come out for Visual Effects rather than doing a commercial for the Snow White remake. The first sane production decision of the night. Anyway, the award goes to Dune. 8-for-15.

6:37pm – Live Action Short goes to I’m Not a Robot. Okay then. Sure. 8-for-16.

6:39pm – Morgan Freeman gives a solemn salute to Gene Hackman. I was wondering how they’d honor him, knowing that he passed too close to the ceremony to put him into the In Memoriam montage.

6:45pm – Holy shit, they did fit Hackman onto the back end! Well done. Also, I’m very happy that Robert Laemmle made the reel.

6:51pm – Fun fact as we present Cinematography, Ed Lachman came to the Dolby Theatre three weeks ago, died, and no one bothered to move him.

6:53pm – Cinematography goes to The Brutalist. I guess the voters needed to give Brady Corbet’s cinematic eye some sort of consolation prize. Either that or they were just horny for Vista Vision. 8-for-17. This may be my worst record ever for picking winners.

6:56pm – Penélope Cruz is here to present International Feature, because that’s not on the nose at all!

6:57pm – THE DOWNFALL OF EMILIA PÉREZ is complete! I’m Still Here wins International Feature! It should have been Flow or The Seed of the Sacred Fig, but still, FUCK YOU, AUDIARD! Oh, and 8-for-18.

7:04pm – By the way, we’re three hours in, and we still have five awards to go.

7:05pm – Mark Hamill out here for Original Score, which goes to The Brutalist. I guess a single thematic line is more important than an entire score. 8-for-19. At this point it’s clear that Anora will win Best Picture, but they’re sure trying to give The Brutalist every apology award possible.

7:09pm – Now it’s time for the tribute to Quincy Jones, who was supposed to be the most tragic dead guy at this year’s Oscars, but Hackman just had to ruin everything!

7:12pm – I’m all for doing a performance of Jones’ music, but if you’re gonna do something from The Wiz, you should have done it with the opening medley. Why do we need to keep plugging Wicked-adjacent things into this ceremony?

7:18pm – Time for Adrien Brody’s second Oscar, as Cillian Murphy takes the stage.

7:19pm – So it was written, and so it is. 9-for-20.

7:28pm – Quentin Tarantino comes out for Best Director, an award he will never win, which is sad. Anyway, Sean Baker gets number three on the night. Goddamn. 10-for-21.

7:36pm – Two more to go, as Emma Stone emerges for Best Actress. For some reason, we skip the plaudits and go to clips, I’m guessing because no one wanted to write anything to compliment Gascón after all her bullshit.

7:37pm – And the most suspenseful award of the night goes to… Mikey Madison! Wow! I guess the Academy just HATED The Substance. Nothing against Madison, but there’s a distinct irony about a movie where an aging star mutilates herself to survive, only to lost to a younger version, and the Academy literally only gives it one token award for Makeup while giving Best Actress not to that aging star, but the young ingenue. Way to miss the point entirely, Academy! Anyway, 10-for-22.

7:41pm – Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan are presenting Best Picture in what is automatically an improvement over the horrid Super Bowl commercial.

7:42pm – Best Picture goes to Anora! 11-for-23 on the night. This was one of the longest ceremonies ever, and it was just the Anora and Brutalist show. Anti-climactic as fuck! Sean Baker wins four Oscars, which is goddamn insane, but I’m happy for him.

7:45pm – If there’s one cool thing to hang your hat on with this result, it’s that the two big winners were made for a combined $16 million ($6 million for Anora and The Brutalist $10 million). For all the bullshit hype of Wicked for eight solid months and an advertising budget of $150 million, it was low-budget indies that won the night. That’s always worth celebrating.

7:50pm – That does it for the Oscars, everyone! It wasn’t a great ceremony, but it’s still the culmination of an annual lifelong passion, and I’m grateful to all of you for taking this ride with me each year. I’m gonna decompress and catch up on new movie reviews over the next couple of days, and I’ll be back with the Postmortem on Wednesday night. Good night, everybody!

Join the conversation in the comments below! What are you most excited for with this year’s Oscars? Which result will shock the world? Who will bitchslap whom? Let me know! And remember, you can follow me on Twitter (fuck “X”) as well as Bluesky, and subscribe to my YouTube channel for even more content, and check out the entire BTRP Media Network at btrpmedia.com!