This Film Is Not Yet Watchable – May 2025

We’re a third of the way through 2025, and I can safely say that we’re on track to have a much better year than the last two as far as cinematic quality is concerned. There are still myriad problems like the continued push for AI-generated content despite two labor strikes that halted the entire industry, productions moving all over the world and cutting staffs for the sake of a tax break the multi-billion dollar studios and their executives don’t need, and an even heavier reliance on franchise IPs instead of original ideas. But on the whole, things are starting to look up. I’ve already given out four “A” grades so far, whereas at this point last year there were only two, and I’ve only given out one “D+” so far and nothing below that, something I did four times by this stage in 2024 (though one more will be added very soon, as early as tomorrow). There have been disappointments to be sure, but on the whole, I have just as many entries this year at “A-” or higher as I do everything else combined. That’s pretty sweet.

But now we come to the real test. May is the beginning of the Summer Blockbuster Season, where the big boys put out their tentpole releases in hopes of making a shit-ton at the box office. It is this massive profit that spineless suits tell us will pay for the prestige fare and more ambitious projects to come, so ostensibly, the next four months are crucial to the business model. However, as we’ve so often seen, just because something is profitable doesn’t mean it’s actually good, and as we’ve seen over the past couple of years, yeah, these flicks will make money, but so many of them are shitty enough that they barely register in the public consciousness. A $200 million box office take sounds great on the surface, but if it’s for a lackluster Marvel film that cost $350 million to make, it’s still a failure. It’d be mind-blowing for an A24 release, but for someone like Warner Bros., it’d just be another excuse for David Zaslav to kneecap yet another project for a tax write-off.

So we have to be cautious as we move into the back half of spring and summer, and we must be ever more discerning in our selections. We already see signs in the calendar that various studios are getting out of each other’s way week after week so that their big pictures don’t have to compete with one another, abandoning the joint success of “Barbenheimer” just as quickly as they embraced it after “Glicked” went nowhere. This means we’re back to the old formula where we’re expected to fall over ourselves surrendering our cash to one singular release each week, lest the ever-idiotic “FOMO” set in. Out of the five major release weekends in May, only one of them has anything of prominence going head-to-head, and even then it’s a kid’s movie versus an action one, meaning they’ll both succeed because they appeal to different audiences.

The numbers may look a bit lopsided in this month’s column, which may seem to contradict what I’ve just said about things getting better. We have 14 entries to spotlight here, as opposed to 11 that passed the smell test. But just like the symbol that will accompany the first movie on the list (teaser), we can put something of an asterisk on this. Of those 14, I can safely say that I don’t think all of them will be that bad, or even bad at all. It’s just that they have shitty marketing. Remember, this column, while mostly composed of playful trash talk, isn’t just about projectile defecation on obviously bad movies and ideas for said. It’s also about critiquing the sales pitch, how competent the studios are at actually convincing me to watch something. There are at least four flicks that I’ll go over here that I’ll probably end up seeing no matter how badly they were sold to the audience, and you could probably make a case for a couple others. That’s down to personal preferences and my need to be as thorough as possible in my coverage for reviews. It doesn’t mean I was actually compelled by what I was shown.

Okay, that’s enough base covering for my own bullshit. Let’s get to Hollywood’s instead. This is the May 2025 edition of “This Film Is Not Yet Watchable!”

Thunderbolts* – May 2

Like I said, asterisk. In a rarity, Disney and Marvel actually held advance screenings for Thunderbolts*, including for critics, and the early response has been overwhelmingly positive. The film is already “Certified Fresh” on Rotten Tomatoes with a 90% rating, with many lauding it as the best MCU installment in years. I’ll see it this weekend (maybe even tomorrow), and I sincerely hope that it’s as good as they say, because I genuinely want to enjoy the MCU again.

That doesn’t mean the trailers didn’t suck. And yes, I said trailers with an “s.” Sometimes for major releases we get a second or even a third preview as it approaches, but Thunderbolts* has no less than FIVE on YouTube alone. That’s what we call overkill, and it smacks of desperation after several high profile disappointments. For simplicity’s sake, I’ll focus just on the one that’s played the most often over the last three months when I’ve gone out to the movies.

From the first teasers over six months ago, this had the feel of a discount Guardians of the Galaxy, and nothing since has disabused me of that perception. What we’re shown just feels like Marvel trotting out its B-to-D team for a pointless buddy comedy that serves no purpose. To be clear, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, especially if the emphasis is on fun rather than world-ending stakes, but I’ve been hurt too many times over the past five years to trust anything. I mean, after Eternals, can we really be sure about any group of heroes anymore?

The main reason I’ll see this is because of my undying crush on Florence Pugh. Along with David Harbour’s Red Guardian, she was the only thing remotely interesting about Black Widow (because Taskmaster certainly wasn’t), and it appears that she takes the lead here, based on what I’ve read in early reviews. This is good, because I don’t give half a shit about the rest of the team. Ghost had a decent moment or two in Ant-Man and the Wasp, but was ultimately forgettable, I have never cared for Bucky (Winter Soldier was a good movie, but the character just does nothing for me), and I don’t care one whit about John Walker unless he’s in scotch form, because as I must once again reiterate, I’M NOT GOING TO WATCH THE FUCKING DISNEY+ SHOWS! Seriously, between this and Brave New World, what is up Kevin Feige’s ass about trying to make people watch The Falcon and the Winter Soldier? Even the diehard fans I know who have seen it say it was pretty meh, so why are we still bringing it up?

Finally, the trailer gets docked so, so many points for the inclusion of “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now.” I absolutely despise that song, as it was a) yet another pointless ballad from Starship, the worst iteration of Grace Slick’s music career; b) the first of Diane Warren’s undeserved Oscar nominations, as she wrote it for Mannequin (you know, the movie where Andrew McCarthy wants to fuck a somehow more plastic Kim Cattrall than the one we have now?); and c) you’re never going to top the way the song was used in The Skeleton Twins. I hate the track, but what Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader did with it was borderline magic.

So as I said, while this movie might actually be pretty good (though something tells me we’re grading on a curve given the MCU’s output since Endgame), the actual advertising is pretty bad. Fingers crossed that this rights the ship so that I don’t have to immediately put up my own personal defenses against cringe whenever I see the Marvel logo in future.

Broke – May 9

Somehow, this is the first of TWO rodeo movies coming out this month. I’m sorry, I just don’t get the appeal. Sports underdog stories are a dime a dozen, but the ones revolving around death-defying sports are just pointless to me, because everything is avoidable. Whether it’s auto racing, motorcycles, rodeo, mountain climbing, or any of the myriad others, the plots are identical. “Oh no, the horse (bull/car/bike) kicked me off (crashed/spun out/slipped) and I got injured. But I’ll never feel alive again if I don’t get back on!”

Nope. Does nothing for me. You did something dangerous, you somehow didn’t die when by rights you should have, and the universe gave you an out that you refuse to take. And I’m supposed to root for you? This is why we as a society never learn from history. It’s wasted time and foolhardiness, and I’m just not interested, no matter what faux-inspirational speech Dennis Quaid gives us.

Shadow Force – May 9

What is it with espionage movies and the “people who want to get out” trope? As Mark Strong himself notes in the trailer, “There is one ironclad rule. No one leaves.” I mean, that should end the movie right then and there, right? We’re supposed to care about Omar Sy and Kerry Washington and their dick-measuring contest of target shooting where Washington brags about being “better” because she hit dead center even though both of them got off nothing but kill shots, but the real story is that two people made a lifelong commitment to this stupidly named organization knowing full well what that entailed, and then they broke it expecting no consequences. Sorry, I’m on Strong’s side here. What part of “No one leaves” was ambiguous?

But no, we have to go through these motions once more where the bad guys are somehow the ones holding people to their oaths rather than the couple who fucked off and had a kid knowing they’d always be pursued. Then we have just a bunch of noise in the form of weaponry that the trailer editors thought was clever when they synced it up with computerized drum beats in the background track. It’s all been done before, and it’s not entertaining.

Then again, this is Lionsgate, so I guess I should be happy that it’s not mass murder and Christian propaganda at the same time. Dumb.

Fight or Flight – May 9

This is another one that might end up being really good, but the trailer does not inspire confidence. It was released in the UK and other territories back in February (streaming on Sky Cinema rather than in theatres), and currently has a 92% rating from 13 reviews on RT. That might bode well, but I can’t shake my distaste at the film’s derivative nature, which is clear even from the trailer.

The premise and the fight scenes borrow heavily from lots of previous B-movie action flicks like Non-Stop, which can be fun, but there’s a huge risk that the picture will have no identity of its own. It’s especially reminiscent of Bullet Train, to the point that the first time I saw this preview, I was literally waiting for the title card to call it Bullet Plane. Josh Hartnett, who has had a very intriguing resurgence to his career, even looks so much like Brad Pitt’s Ladybug character that I honestly thought this was a direct sequel and the role had been recast.

I’m not saying it won’t be a bit of “turn off your brain” giddiness, but the fact that it’s already been out worldwide on streamers for two months and is clearly presented as a pastiche of other action fare is a serious red flag.

Clown in a Cornfield – May 9

I mean, it delivers what it promises, I suppose. This looks like an interesting send up of slasher film tropes (particularly those associated with Stephen King), but there have been plenty of those in recent years, and they’re pretty hit and miss. The Fear Street trilogy was fantastic (and there’s a new entry coming out in May that looks fun), but we also had Hell of a Summer last month, and while that showed potential in the teaser, the reviews for Finn Wolfhard’s directorial debut were mixed at best.

In short, it’s impossible to tell if this will be a waste of time or an absolute gory blast. I will say that, given the success of the Terrifier films, I doubt our killer here will be able to supplant Art the Clown as the preferred jugular-slicing jester.

Final Destination: Bloodlines – May 16

Why do we keep bringing back shitty horror franchises? Do diminished returns and critical panning mean nothing to these people? Of the entire series, only Final Destination 5 got over RT’s 60% threshold for “Fresh” status so far (just barely; it sits at 63%), so what’s the point? It’s not like there’s some kind of legacy that we have to live up to here. Also, never put “Bloodlines” in your title. Just like “Resurrection,” it only spells disaster. If Pet Sematary and Tremors 5 didn’t convince you not to use the word, I don’t know what will.

But let’s set aside the overall lame nature of the franchise and just ask one simple question. If Death is an active player in these movies, to the point where we set up these elaborate Rube Goldberg sequences to off the various bits of fodder because someone dared survive, why are the protagonists given premonitions of their demises in the first place? From what I’ve read, it’s never been properly addressed, save for a theory that Death itself plants them as a sort of cosmic prank to toy with his victims, but that’s just monumentally silly, and not in a fun way. If Death is personified, then there has to be some other form of supernatural force at work, some sort of deity or collection thereof that has some kind of say in who lives and who doesn’t. Given that, shouldn’t that force be allowed to overrule the Reaper? If Death always gets to win, why show the visions in the first place? All we’re doing is delaying the inevitable in favor of spectacle. And if they can stop Death, why don’t they? None of this makes sense, and never has, which is why these films always do poorly.

The only legitimate reason to shell out any cash for this is because it’s the final performance from the late great Tony Todd, who apparently is the one link to previous installments in the franchise. His passing was one of the many in 2024 that hit hard. I was always a fan of his work and his distinctive voice. Most knew him as Candyman. To me he will always be Kurn, son of Mogh through several Star Trek appearances, and the elderly Jake Sisko in the most emotional episode of Deep Space Nine‘s storied run. Sentimentality won’t be enough for me to watch this pointless dreck, but I can’t hate on anyone who does.

Hurry Up Tomorrow – May 16

Each month, as I view the trailers, inevitably one or two of them are forgotten almost as soon as I’ve watched them, to the point that as I’m writing the column, I have to watch them again. Such is the case with Hurry Up Tomorrow. But here’s the thing. Based on what we’re shown, it should have been the exact opposite. Whether the movie is good or not is almost immaterial. The trailer alone should have been the most memorable of the bunch, but it’s not.

I mean, this is filled to the brim with great elements, including surrealism, Barry Keoghan, and a fever dream-esque look into a sensationalized version of the career of Abel Tesfaye, better known as The Weeknd, one of the very few pop musicians that I unreservedly love. I have a lot of issues with the music industry, and while I don’t like all of his songs, even someone who bathes in haterade like myself can’t dismiss his talent and artistry. The film itself is meant to be a companion piece to his latest album, which a lot of pop stars have been doing these days, including Beyoncé, Miley Cyrus, and Jennifer Lopez.

And yet, every time I watch the trailer for Hurry Up Tomorrow, I forget everything the second it’s over. It leaves no impression whatsoever. It’s just visual and audio noise, which is fucking tragic. Even Jenna Ortega has no impact, even though she gets to play an actual adult for once. It’s just a series of images with no apparent meaning, like a student film with a massive budget. Sorry, Abel. I love you, man, but I can’t even bring myself to care. Kudos for taking the shot, because an ambitious miss is better than a safe hit, but this definitely looks like a miss.

A Breed Apart – May 16

They threw a puppy into helicopter blades. Everyone associated with this needs to die.

Lilo & Stitch – May 23

Another month, another Disney remake. And honestly, it’s another rather pointless one, as most of the characters are aliens, and thus have to be animated in some form. Also, sadly, from what the trailer shows us, it looks like Lilo is going to succumb to the remake motif of being perfect and well-behaved, even though animated Lilo was a borderline psychopath (which is what made her oddly charming). This means that Stitch will have to do the heavy lifting in the personality department.

And to be fair, the rendering on Stitch looks pretty good here. He’s obviously not there, but he looks just real enough to be believable, because unlike the Lion King remake, there’s enough room for him to be expressive. He doesn’t look so much like a pet as he does a stuffed animal (merchandising!), but maybe that’s okay here. We also see that some of his antics are ramped up here, meaning that for once, it’s possible that the remake might be adding something to the proceedings rather than taking them away.

I probably won’t see this, because the Disney remakes have been almost uniformly terrible, but if I’m being 100% honest, this is the closest I’ve been to interested. Take that as a win, Disney. It’s as close as you’ll ever get to a full endorsement.

Fountain of Youth – May 23

How many properties can one movie rip off? Well, let’s count them!

The Thomas Crown Affair – John Krasinski is an art thief.
National Treasure – Stealing historical artifacts, Krasinski and Natalie Portman having issues with their father, overly quippy dialogue about legal consequences, and a secret society dedicated to keeping ancient truths hidden.
James Bond – Wealthy but shady benefactors, car chases, gadgets, shoddy action and shaky cam.
Indiana Jones – Ancient and potentially supernatural power in hidden ruins.
Guy Ritchie – Is it possible for a director to rip off his own work? With each passing year, Ritchie tries his best.
The Da Vinci Code – Symbology, hidden messages in artwork, and with the inclusion of U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For,” let’s just pencil in something about Jesus.

This is an Apple movie, which means only the good guys will be allowed to be seen using Apple products, but I submit that there are no good guys, because plagiarism is wrong no matter who does it.

The Last Rodeo – May 23

Like I said, there are two rodeo movies this month, only since this one is put out by Angel Studios, I assume it’ll be about getting back on the horse/bull as well as getting right with Jesus or something. But you know, only the Jesus who hates immigrants and gays and loves tax cuts for the wealthy.

The trailer demonstrates two fundamental flaws with this presentation. First, the story, which has been done to death, is about trying to use the rodeo to earn money so a sick kid can get medical treatment. If you’re truly trying to promote Christian ideals, why aren’t you making a movie about charity, or how we shouldn’t even be charging money for medical care? Why are you trying to make an old man risking his life needlessly on low-percentage odds of sporting success seem like heroism?

The second, and this one dropped my jaw, is that the trailer includes a link to a raffle. After the footage ends, the last 45 seconds feature Neal McDonough and other members of the cast letting you know that if you buy advance tickets, you can enter a drawing for a prize pack including a truck and $100k worth of Bitcoin (which is to say, $0 in actual money). That’s right, a so-called CHRISTIAN studio is outright using GAMBLING as a means to sell tickets. Are you shitting me? The fact that God hasn’t struck down everyone involved in this with lightning is the strongest evidence I could ever offer that He doesn’t actually exist. Wow!

Karate Kid: Legends – May 30

I know this franchise has a large fanbase. I just have no interest. I loved the original Karate Kid when I was young, and I really liked the sequel. It’s part of what first sparked my love of Japanese culture. Beyond that, though? I got nothing. I barely remember the third movie, I hated the Hilary Swank reboot, and the Jackie Chan re-reboot wasn’t even about karate, but kung fu, which is an entirely different form of martial art, and the flick only existed because it was 2010 and we were still a few years away from After Earth, when we were finally allowed to admit that Will Smith’s children aren’t talented. I never got into Cobra Kai, though I was glad to see Ralph Macchio, William Zabka, and Martin Kove getting work again.

For reasons known but to Cthulhu, we now have Karate Kid: Legends, which joins Chan and Macchio together, and in doing so retcons the last film to have it exist within the main series universe. We’re also still leaning into kung fu as the main style without changing the name, which is just stupid. The trailer then compounds all these issues by stuffing itself full of the most tired clichés and nonsensical dialogue across sports, comedy, and kiddie films. I’m just tired of it all. I mean, for God’s sake, the first line of the trailer is Jackie Chan trying to sound all sagely by saying, “Our traditions are rooted in history.” As opposed to what, exactly? Are there people who root their traditions in the future? That’s fucking asinine!

If you really love this stuff, more power to you, but I checked out 30 years ago. God I miss Pat Morita, though.

The Phoenician Scheme – May 30

I’ve said may times before that Wes Anderson films are always a gamble for me. I like his quirky style, and his dialogue is often clever, if obtuse. It’s all in the deadpan deliveries and the overall silly nature of the plot. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

His latest work, The Phoenician Scheme, looks to be the most Wes Anderson film to ever Wes all over my Andersons, and I think we’ve hit the saturation point here. Asteroid City was a very self-aware piece, with Anderson giving a knowing wink to his critics, especially those like me who had real issues with The French Dispatch. However, rather than taking things in a different direction, he seems to have doubled down, and is now giving us a movie so self-aware that it ultimately becomes self-indulgent, as if he’s daring critics and audiences to walk out due to sheer overload of his own tropes.

The film boasts a strong cast, including Tom Hanks, Michael Cera, Jeffrey Wright, Scarlett Johansson, Benedict Cumberbatch, and Benicio del Toro. It seems that all of Hollywood will eventually be subsumed into Anderson’s rotating stable of actors, because in fairness they all seem to have loads of fun working with him. But this all just feels like too much for its own sake and far too clever for its own good. It might be a magnum opus. It might be a pile of shit. At minimum it’s overkill.

***

Now we move on to the true dregs of the cinematic calendar, “The Worst Trailer in the World!” For this month, it was a very easy choice. In all honesty I was struggling a little bit at first, wondering if I was going to have to make fun of something marginally good but with a bad preview like Thunderbolts*, which I didn’t want to do. For one, if I did something coming out tomorrow, it wouldn’t get any engagement on YouTube. My video for Snow White got over 350 views before the movie came out, because it was later in the month, while Minecraft only got 55 because it was first weekend. It’s just something I have to be aware of as I make my decisions. Something has to be REALLY bad to warrant a video if it comes out early. At the same time, given that my Godzilla x Kong video earned me death threats in the comments section (which I have deleted), I didn’t necessarily want to go for popular franchise fare unless I was certain I could get a ton of material out of it, which also eliminated the likes of Final Destination and Karate Kid. I don’t poke the bear unless I know it’s worth it.

Thankfully, the universe gave me a quick out. I saw what may be the worst movie of the year last week, and one of the previews featured (because it’s from the same studio as the flick I was watching) was so unbelievably stupid and shoddy that there could be no other option. This might be a movie that sweeps the Razzies next year.

Juliet & Romeo – May 9

I put more jokes in this video than I have in a long time. Most videos I come up with anywhere between 18-25 gags based on what I see. This one had 32, and that was with me being generous and holding off on some of my complaints. The video is 14 minutes long, but if I went over EVERYTHING that screams this picture will be a disaster, it’d be closer to 40.

One omitted note that I’ll put here concerns Rebel Wilson’s odd song of defiance. I don’t know why she has such a large role here, as Lady Capulet is one of the more minor roles in the actual play. For some reason, not only is she apparently the main supporting character in this movie, she gets her own ballad. Anyway, the first line we see of it in the trailer is “I’m more than the crown I wear.”

My instant reaction was, “Um, is anyone going to tell her that she’s not wearing a crown in the shot?” While that’s true, there are other scenes where she is indeed wearing one, which is even more insipid. Initially I was just laughing at the misplaced continuity, sort of like how the Lion King remake has “Can You Feel the Love Tonight?” take place during the day. But no, the idiots who made this had to go even further and actually give her a crown in other scenes.

Think about what that implies. If she’s wearing a crown, then the Capulets are royalty in this film. That completely destroys the dynamic of this so-called “love story.” In Shakespeare’s play, the Montagues and Capulets are two families “both alike in dignity,” meaning they’re socioeconomic equals. They’re not royals, they’re wealthy nobles. That’s a crucial detail. If one family is royal, then the feud between them cannot reasonably exist. The Capulets can simply have the Montagues arrested and executed for treason. If they’re royalty, they have authority, and would thus exercise it.

“Well what if both families are royalty?” I hear you ask. That makes even less sense, because the entire story takes place in one city, Verona. One territory can’t have two rulers, so if both families are royal, only one can be the ruling clan in that area. At best, you could maybe argue that Verona is neutral territory that they fight over as the monarchs of different Italian city-states, to which I’d counter, THEN WHY DOES VERONA HAVE ITS OWN PRINCE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

You can see why I chose to keep this rant out of the video. Not only would my blood start boiling, the video would be far too long.

***

Okay, time to end this on an up note with the “Redemption Reel.” This month, I’ll offer two entries. One of them is the true “winner” of this title, while the other is more of a tacit endorsement in the vain of the actual meaning of the word, “redemption,” as it’s a hopeful end to a very sad tale.

Rust – May 2

I’m sure you all know the story. Three and a half years ago, while filming Rust in New Mexico, a prop gun was accidentally loaded with live rounds, and star Alec Baldwin discharged it during rehearsal, killing cinematographer Halyna Hutchins. It was a massive scandal, and Baldwin was charged with manslaughter by an overzealous prosecutor who herself violated the law in pursuing the case. The charges were ultimately dismissed with prejudice, meaning they can never be brought again, but still, a life was tragically cut short, and the prop master did go to jail over this.

After Baldwin was cleared, production resumed, and several casting changes had to take place due to the aging of young actors and scheduling conflicts in the nearly two year hiatus. It was a controversial decision to continue making the film, but Baldwin was passionate about the project, and many members of the crew felt it would be an appropriate tribute to Hutchins to see her final work through to the end. There are even rumors that the studios involved will take this as something of a loss leader so that her family can get a chunk of the proceeds.

The actual movie doesn’t look to be anything special. It’s a standard Western in the vain of True Grit, where Baldwin plays a grizzled gunslinger trying to protect his grandson, who has been sentenced to death for an accidental shooting death, which is really on the nose. I doubt the movie is actually good, but it’s closure, and sometimes that’s the best we can get out of a massively fucked up situation, so it might be worth your time. It’ll be in theatres for a week, and is being simultaneously released on VOD platforms, so if the rumors are true, then it could be seen as a good cause to make sure Hutchins’ family can have some solace.

Nonnas – May 9

This is a rare one for me. Not only am I endorsing a Netflix movie, I’m also getting behind a comedy where a bunch of older actresses get together for some hijinks. The reason for the latter subset is pretty obvious as you watch the trailer. For once, the titular Italian grandmas aren’t teaming up to be menopause horny like so many other terrible films over the years that insult the legacies of great performers, which is extremely refreshing.

Also refreshing is the story itself. It’s a sweet looking, schmaltzy tale of a group of women running an Italian restaurant, spurred on by Vince Vaughn – also going against type by not playing the personification of toxic masculinity – trying to honor his late mother and her recipes. It’s a sentiment that hits home for me, as I think about my mom every day, and having just gone through another loss in my brother-in-law, I know how oblivious the world can be to that pain. It’s played for a laugh here in the trailer, as Vaughn’s boss gives him a fruit basket and compares the loss of a mother to that of a cat before ending the conversation by telling him his break is over and to get back to work, showing how out of touch he is. But this is something that really happens. When Tim passed, my sister’s employers offered her a measly three days of bereavement leave. She just lost the love of her life and you can’t even give her a week? She took a leave of absence and has just returned to work after more than a month, because she has to in order to survive. So yeah, while the scene is meant for a dark chuckle, it’s a very relatable moment.

And then, of course, I’m a sucker for some of the other cheerful elements involved. I love Italian dishes (though I’m not sure I have any ancestry that would predispose me to them), so half the trailer is food porn to me. You have a very strong cast including Lorraine Bracco, Talia Shire, Brenda Vaccaro, Linda Cardellini, and Susan Sarandon, all of whom I adore. And as you all know, I’m a diehard Billy Joel fan, so putting “Scenes from an Italian Restaurant” in the background – literally my favorite song of his – just seals it for me.

Will this be the streaming hit of the year? Of course not. It’s pure saccharine. But it’s my kind of saccharine. It’s cinematic comfort food, almost to a literal degree, and I’m here to savor every second.

***

That’s all for this month, folks! As always, I hope you enjoy yourselves at the movie house, no matter what you see. Take care of yourselves, and have a nice big plate of spaghetti!

Join the conversation in the comments below! Do you plan to see any of these films? Was I too hard on any of them? No seriously, does no one in Hollywood know the difference between karate and kung fu? Let me know! And remember, you can follow me on Twitter (fuck “X”) as well as Bluesky, and subscribe to my YouTube channel for even more content, and check out the entire BTRP Media Network at btrpmedia.com!