If there’s a positive way to spin the events of this year to date, it would be to consider 2025 to be about facing new challenges and persevering. After 13 months without work, I have today completed my training period for my new job, and the powers that be have decided to keep me on. I’ve even picked up a side gig, and the rumblings have begun here in L.A. – not earthquakes – that the TV industry will be picking up again starting later this fall. In short, I might finally be able to begin digging myself out of the hole that the past year has made for me. I had to deal with a devastating loss to my family with the passing of my brother-in-law, leaving my sister to be the sole decision-maker in her home for really the first time in her adult life. My nephew must now learn to live without a father at such a young age. I have sciatica now. Our country is a laughingstock on the world stage. Things have been rough. Yet somehow, we have endured, and that should never be discounted.
This is my way of trying to polish the turd that is this October at the cinema, as we have once again broken the record for mediocrity (or worse) in this column. The previous mark of 21 was set in August of last year, in a situation where I basically had to split TFINYW into two parts. We can at least say we made it another year before lowering the bar once more, but that’s little consolation. This month, based on what I’ve seen, there are 22 dubious entries. Lord have mercy!
Now, part of this is just a glut of output. I watched 17 trailers for October that at least passed the first impression, meaning, in total, there were 39 movies to judge based on the marketing. That’s insane. October is also when Festival and Awards Seasons get into full swing, with the prestige fare flooding the multiplexes. I’m literally writing this column while viewing flicks from the Mill Valley Film Festival, and I’ll spend part of the weekend preparing my coverage for AFI Fest at the end of the month. There’s just so, so much going on. It’s a wonder I sleep at all. On top of that I have this full time job now, which in past years hasn’t been an issue, as I’ve either been on hiatus or working from home around this time. So really, it just feels overwhelming.
But if the last six weeks have taught me anything, it’s that wading through a bunch of shit is not only doable, but it can have its rewards. In my sales job, I literally go door-to-door, knocking at over 100 houses a day looking for leads. I was told right from the interview to anticipate a 96% “NO” rate when I do. The trick is to look for the 4% that say “Maybe” or “Yes.” It’s been physically and mentally taxing. I have newfound respect and empathy for every solicitor I’ve ever turned away, because it can be brutal out there. I’ve had my share of Karens and Kens berating me, some outright threatening me simply for doing a job they don’t like. I went a week without eating lunch because I simply couldn’t afford to.
At the same time, I’ve had very supportive management always willing to work with me and help me succeed, and my coworkers embody a full team mentality. That went a long way to making the slog feel worth it, especially once I did start seeing results. I got ready for bed last Sunday night expecting that this week would be my last, that I’d be laid off for not generating the numbers they were looking for. Then, out of nowhere, an hour after I turned in I got a message from my boss letting the whole team know that a lead I set up turned into a sale that brought in over $52,000 for the company, which cleared one of the three possible benchmarks for me to pass training. And while I didn’t meet the other two, one was all that was needed, and my manager did tell me today that he would have fought for me to stay had the sale not gone through, because he recognized my effort and the momentum I was starting to gain. After over a year of futility, it’s extremely gratifying to know that I’m useful again.
So yeah, there are a lot of subpar flicks coming out this month, and it’s going to take a while to get through them all. But despite breaking the record once again, it doesn’t feel that bad. For the first time in months I have something to look forward to each day, even if it’s just the fact that all the walking I do has already helped me drop some weight. Occasionally, things do get better, and if things are looking bleak for you right now, keep fighting. I can’t promise it’ll all turn around, but if it does, you’ll feel it all the more because you survived.
Okay, enough with the sentimental crap, let’s make fun of some previews! This is the October 2025 edition of “This Film Is Not Yet Watchable!”
Play Dirty – October 1
As ever, I endeavor to get this column out before the first release date of the month. However, this is an Amazon film coming out on a Wednesday, so I bend my self-imposed rule. And oh look, it’s a generic heist movie. What fun. And it’s directed AND written by Shane Black, the visionary behind Iron Man 3? Yeah, I still haven’t forgiven him for that.
In fairness, it doesn’t look like the worst thing I’ve ever seen. I like Mark Wahlberg and LaKeith Stanfield a lot, and while I kid about Black, I really enjoyed The Nice Guys, and I’m one of the few who will openly defend Last Action Hero. The talent is there, it just doesn’t look like it’s being put to its best uses here.
Can’t be worse than Amazon’s War of the Worlds, though.
The Smashing Machine – October 3
The first “real” film of the month is also the first naked attempt at Oscar bait in this set. This time the thirsty party is… Dwayne Johnson? Really? The fucking Scorpion King is trolling for hardware now? Okay then.
Based on the trailer, this looks to be a pretty standard sports biopic, in this case about former MMA fighter Mark Kerr, with the title coming from a 2002 HBO documentary about his career. MMA films have essentially taken the place of boxing films over the last few years, as the UFC and other promotions in the former sport have far outpaced the latter in the 21st Century in terms of popularity and cultural relevance, and MMA has been around long enough to have retired stars with stories ripe for the big screen. Kerr is one such candidate, as his physical abilities and substance abuse issues are fairly well known.
From what I can see, Johnson’s performance seems pretty run-of-the-mill, but maybe he’ll surprise. The real achievement looks to be the makeup job, as the HMU team makes Johnson almost unrecognizable. The picture currently has a 73% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, so it might turn out to be pretty good. At the same time, this is another case where the positive reviews from festivals and preview screenings were front-loaded to hit that 75% mark for “Certified Fresh” status, only to regress below the threshold after non-curated critics were allowed to see it. It’s a shady practice that really needs to stop, and it’s really as simple as just withholding that lovely stamp until after the movie’s released. Honesty in advertising goes a long way to winning people over, as I’ve learned from personal experience over the last four weeks.
Shell – October 3
This is the Temu version of The Substance, and you can’t convince me otherwise.
Also, either Elisabeth Moss gained a ton of weight for the role (why?) or she’s wearing the least convincing fat suit this side of Tyra Banks. Either way, no.
Coyotes – October 3
The opening looks hilarious, but unfortunately the rest of the trailer doesn’t really live up to it. Even bringing in Justin Long doesn’t appear to be helping. I like Long as an actor, especially in horror. He was terrific in Jeepers Creepers and Barbarian, and I’ve heard he was pretty good in Drag Me to Hell as well, but I haven’t seen it yet.
On the whole, this has obvious B-movie vibes, and as such, I can’t really hate on it too much. It’s clearly self-aware, and everyone’s just trying to have some schlocky fun. I just wish there was a little more to it.
Also, fun fact, and I’m not making this up, the first coyote I ever saw in real life was back in 2017, walking back to my car after a very long night of working on a show… on the Warner Bros. lot. Sadly, there were no roadrunners to be found, which would have made the experience perfect.
Killing Faith – October 3
If you were hoping this was a cinematic sequel to Killing Eve, I’m very sorry to disappoint you. Instead, it’s a weird mishmash of horror and western tropes, with an unhealthy dose of religious bullshit thrown in for bad measure.
On the surface, the basic premise doesn’t sound terrible. A girl with the power to kill simply by touching someone is pretty creative, kind of like a scarier, darker version of Frozen. But you can clearly see that little effort was put in beyond that elevator pitch idea. Guy Pearce and DeWanda Wise look like their massive talents are being completely wasted
Also, Bill Pullman does the worst accent this side of Cary Elwes in The Unholy.
Maintenance Required – October 8
Yet another mindless Amazon rom-com. This time it’s about two people who chat anonymously through a dating app, and each of them has all the sassy gay friends the genre could ask for. They’re totally perfect for each other online, but uh oh, in real life they’re enemies, because he’s a corporate shark and she runs a small auto body shop. A lady working as a mechanic? What sorcery is this? How will they ever make it work? Can the love of cars conquer all? If only their supermodel good looks could make up for these oh so high stakes.
I hope everyone involved with this gets genital warts.
After the Hunt – October 10
I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again. For the love of God, Luca Guadagnino, please make just ONE movie that isn’t about weird, deviant, or abusive sex. This time it’s college professors and academics played by Julia Roberts and Andrew Garfield allegedly taking advantage of a student played by Ayo Edebiri, and then gaslighting and threatening her when she tries to come forward with her accusations. It’s probably the most “normal” relationship dynamic Guadagnino has ever done, and that’s fucking terrifying.
The flick has toured the festival circuit already, and the reviews are mixed at best. It currently sits at 48% on RT, with the consensus being that the story is slapdash and overlong, and does more to denigrate the #MeToo movement than support it, to which I reply, “What did you expect from the guy who had a teenage boy cum into a peach and then have Armie Hammer eat it?” We called that a massive artistic achievement! And it was only eight years ago!
Kiss of the Spider Woman – October 10
Here’s the next bit of shameless Oscar shilling, a musical remake of the 1985 film that won William Hurt Best Actor. Much has been made of this adaptation, particularly Jennifer Lopez in the title role. Here’s the thing, though, and it’s been the elephant in the room ever since she was in Selena nearly 30 years ago.
Ahem…
JENNIFER LOPEZ CAN’T FUCKING SING!
There’s a reason that her entire “music” career has been Auto-Tuned pop bullshit and painful attempts to rap. She can’t sing. Her range is literally half an octave. All she can do is project her voice, but there’s rarely, if ever, any actual key signature or discernable melody conveyed. For half this trailer she talk-sings to bombastic accompaniment, and for the other half she just repeats “I do miracles” over and over again.
This appears to be nothing more than another flashy attempt to shove her down our collective throats as a legitimate actress after she failed to get a nomination for playing a stripper, something she’s arguably been doing ever since she was a Fly Girl. The sets and costume designs are bright and colorful, but that just means that, at best, they’ll lose to Wicked Part Two. There’s almost nothing of true substance shown in this trailer. Even Diego Luna unintentionally lampshades this problem by saying, “We know nothing about the story or the characters.” It’s all style, no substance, other than some LGBT themes.
The critical response thus far has been interesting. It has an 83% rating on RT so far, but that is largely due to the overwhelming reactions from its debut at Sundance back in January. Since then, things have cooled off a bit, with the current score reflecting a drop from the post-Sundance high of 90%, and it’ll only get worse once the flick is released. Metacritic, on the other hand, only gives it 60% based on their weighted average, which implies a mixed reception. Several critics are high on Lopez as a Supporting Actress candidate, while others find the whole thing to be a mess that only occasionally entertains. Further, while it’s certainly not a scientific metric, the video for the trailer on YouTube has over 3.3 million views, but only 3,200 likes. Now, if I got that many views and likes on a video, I’d be ecstatic, but this is a major motion picture from a well-known studio, and the basic reaction is that 0.1% of those who’ve seen the preview actually enjoyed it. That doesn’t necessarily bode well. I’ll probably end up seeing it, because this is the exact drivel that gets Academy attention, and I’m guessing there will be several members who want to create the illusion of a competition between this and Wicked as musical adaptations. It just looks like a complete waste of time to me.
The Woman in Cabin 10 – October 10
It’s Cabin 10! And it’s coming out on 10/10! Do you get it?!?!?!?!?!?!
Keira Knightley, you are so much better than this! I mean, who honestly thought that a murder mystery on a yacht full of super billionaires would be compelling? Oh and we can gaslight the one outsider the whole time? Surely this comes from only the most creative of AI chatbots!
I’d lay 10:1 odds that this makes the 2022 Death on the Nile look like The African Queen.
Vicious – October 10
I had enough of Dakota Fanning screaming in the 2005 War of the Worlds to last a lifetime. I don’t need to see her in a horror movie to make things worse, particularly if it’s apparently so bad that it’s been relegated to Paramount+. NEXT!
Soul on Fire – October 10
Man this is a busy weekend! Anyway, here’s more Christian propaganda about someone who didn’t die, and because they didn’t die, surely that must mean that Jesus saved him and that all problems are magically solved.
Ask the children in Chicago who got zip-tied by ICE agents descending from goddamn Blackhawk helicopters how much Jesus is helping right now.
Re-Election – October 10
For a moment I thought this was a legacy sequel to the beloved 1999 satire, Election, starring Matthew Broderick and Reese Witherspoon. It’d be the height of stretching for IP, but given the state of our politics over the last two decades, I would be intrigued to see what Alexander Payne could do with the idea.
Unfortunately, this is not what the film is about. Instead, it’s an even sadder version of Billy Madison. Writer/director/star Adam Saunders (so close) plays a loser who goes back to his old high school in what I’ll charitably guess is his 30s to run for class president after losing the vote in his senior year. And apparently he also runs into the guy who beat him (Rizwan Manji), and the trauma turns him into some sort of one-man pep squad for all the downtrodden kids in the school? I’m sorry, I’m just lost. What was the point of this?
Oh, and Tony Danza’s in this, too, just in case you ever want to know what slumming it looks like.
Good Fortune – October 17
This was almost picked as “The Worst Trailer in the World” for October, mostly because there are so many talented people in this who just look like they’re phoning it in. The plot seems to be a half-assed hybrid of It’s a Wonderful Life, Trading Places, and 1996’s Michael, where John Travolta played the titular archangel.
I mean, just look at this. Keanu Reeves is delivering his lines like he’s reverted to his early 90s self who couldn’t act. Aziz Ansari is doing the same “scream every line in a high-pitched whine so that it sounds funny when it’s not” shtick from the beginning of his career, before he hit his stride and gave us great standup and Master of None. Seth Rogen is just playing a louder version of his character from Dumb Money.
There is exactly one moment of this preview that raised an eyebrow, and leads me to believe there’s a chance this will be good, and not just another version of Stuber. Reeves has a conversation with a fellow angel played by Sandra Oh after switching Ansari and Rogen’s respective lots in life. “I tried to show him that wealth wouldn’t solve all his problems,” says Keanu. When Sandra asks how it’s going, he responds, “It seems to have solved most of his problems.”
That is a salient, and tragically funny, point. The wealth gap in this country (and the world writ large) is increasing every day. Hardworking people are getting priced out of basic needs, assuming they can even hold down a job thanks to outsourcing and automation, and the cost of living is skyrocketing, all while billionaires, CEOs, oligarchs, tech bros, you name it, are laughing all the way to the bank. When the Occupy Wall Street movement fizzled out, instead of a period of introspection and reform to prevent another French Revolution, the moneyed interests dug their heels in even deeper, hoarding more and more wealth to the point where the President of the United States is openly taking bribes in the White House, and it’s treated not just like business as usual, but somehow the American ideal by those who benefit from such malfeasance.
The fact is, so many people would be living perfectly content lives if that “trickle down” ever actually came. I remember seeing a headline a few months ago about Bill Gates deciding to give away most of his fortune, likely to charitable organizations and non-profits, which is great. He’s amassed more money than anyone could ever spend in 100 lifetimes, so by all means do some good with it. I remember when I saw the blurb thinking that I wish I knew a way to contact him, because if I could, I would genuinely ask him, as part of his giveaway, to cut me a check for $250,000. Now, that sounds like a lot of money, and it is, at least, to folks like you and me. To Bill Gates it’s pocket change. But think of what that money would do. It would wipe out all my debt – credit cards, personal IOUs, back rent, student loans – and it would leave me with enough to live on for a year while my industry unfucks itself and I can get back to normal and earn money the way I’m best at. It wouldn’t make me rich. It wouldn’t be the answer to all the issues in my life. But it would be a reset button, a chance to start on an equal footing. It would mean options, which have been in short supply for me for a long time, and I imagine I’m far from the only one in that position. I’m not asking to be set for life. I want to set myself up for that. I just don’t want to constantly be fighting from a disadvantaged position foisted on me through no fault of my own. I want a fair shot at success, not to be gifted it. So many problems facing everyday Americans come down to raw dollars, and the people who could alleviate those worries with the stroke of a pen not only refuse to do so, they seemingly take glee in our suffering.
If this movie ends up being about all that stuff, then I’m in. Sadly, the trailer does not inspire that degree of confidence.
Truth & Treason – October 17
Oh look, it’s Angel Studios. Yay. So what’s the Jesus propaganda this time? Oh, it’s about a German who didn’t want to be a Nazi during the Holocaust? Is he gonna save 6,000,000 Jews through Christ somehow? No? Well then fuck off. Try fighting the Nazis literally running this country right now rather than breeding them with garbage like Sound of Freedom you sanctimonious fucks!
The Astronaut – October 17
Kate Mara plays an astronaut who, upon returning to Earth, is found with her capsule punctured and her helmet shattered. So naturally she’s sequestered in a remote house in the woods where she’s assured that anything scary that happens is just her recovering from space sickness, and there’s totally no way she brought an alien back with her.
“Sounds like a horror movie,” she quips.
You forgot the word “bad” there, Kate. Sounds like a BAD horror movie is what you meant to say.
You know how cheap this is? They couldn’t even license the NASA logo. Oh they have wall decals with the word on them, but they look like they were printed at a Staples for $1.75 while a production assistant was out getting Starbucks. And what is Laurence Fishburne even doing here? This is almost as beneath him as Sneaks.
You guys know Kate Mara already has played an astronaut, right? And a competent one at that… right?
Jesus Christ, just go watch The Martian again. I think it’s getting a re-release for its 10th anniversary. I can all but guarantee you it’ll be far superior to this.
Hedda – October 22
Hedda Gabler is an 1891 play by Henrik Ibsen, who is considered the father of modern drama. It’s a tale of love, responsibility, and tragedy as a headstrong woman comes to terms with domesticated life in a marriage she doesn’t want.
So naturally the best thing to do is make it into a Baz Luhrmann-esque party flick where Hedda’s former lover is a repressed lesbian. Hence, Hedda. Genius.
Look, I’ve said before that fidelity to source material isn’t paramount with me when it comes to adaptation. But it’s clear here that they’re just going for shock value and the titillating visual of Tessa Thompson kissing another woman. Also the eye roll that naturally accompanies the line, “Come on, Eileen,” definitely have to have that as well.
I love me some Tessa, but this just looks tawdry for no reason, it has all the subtlety of a brick being thrown through a window, and as great an actress as she is, Thompson cannot pull off a British accent here. It’s like Nia DaCosta watched Cruella and thought, “let’s do that, but make it all about sex.”
Sorry, there’s a reason this is relegated to Amazon.
The Hand that Rocks the Cradle – October 22
There are two streaming films coming out on the 22nd, and this is by far the more egregious of the two. I mean, seriously, in what universe, in what possible reality, could there be anyone with functioning brain cells who honestly thought to themselves, “We need to remake The Hand that Rocks the Cradle“?
I want all their money and all their drugs. One of them will surely numb the pain of this stupidity. I won’t even dignify it any further, and I’m kind of ashamed to even post the link, because that means it will get more views. The fuck is wrong with people?!
Regretting You – October 24
And here we have yet another Amazon rom-com… wait, what? It’s not on Amazon? And it’s only a rom-com for the first act until somebody dies? Well this might actually have potential.
The dead people were having an affair, you say? Okay, this is intriguing.
Oh wait, the solution is shacking up with hot guy? And this is from the same author as It Ends with Us? The film that was beyond terrible and was plagued by accusations of sexual harassment and led to the lawsuit between Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni? And the film is advertising this link like it’s a selling point?
Never mind, fuck it, I’m out. I’m now regretting giving this shit the time of day. And McKenna Grace will always be cuter as a Spengler anyway.
Shelby Oaks – October 24
Oh good, The Ring and Blair Witch have graduated from VHS to MiniDV. In another 20 years maybe they’ll be on LASERDISC! Why do the worst horror movies always come out this close to Halloween?
Queens of the Dead – October 24
Obviously this is for a niche audience, and is meant to be very fun and tongue-in-cheek (given the film’s stars, that last bit might become literal), kind of like Studio 666. But I’m just not part of that audience, and the gags do little for me. I’ll occasionally watch Drag Race with my roommates, but that’s about it, and even then it’s best in small doses. If this is for you, I hope it’s a blast, but I’ve definitely got too much going on this month to carve out time for what’s clearly meant to be a cult film.
That said, I did recently go to my first ever drag show, a drag brunch in West Hollywood for a friend’s birthday. On the whole it was enjoyable, and I’m glad I gave it a go. That said, I probably won’t make a point to do it again, and I wanted to strangle whoever it was that decided Britney Spears needed to be cranked up to 11 for 20 minutes straight. Further, while my breakfast of French toast was delicious, the icing they used looked very much like a different gooey white substance when the plate arrived. It definitely took a few minutes for me to be sure it was, in fact, icing.
Anniversary – October 29
I have the same problem with this movie that I do with The Woman in Cabin 10, and it’s basically on a primal level at this point. The middle class has basically been destroyed by the ultra wealthy, the 99.9999999% being crushed by the top 0.0000001%, so for the love of all things holy, STOP TREATING THOSE FIGHTING THE RICH LIKE THE FUCKING BAD GUYS!
I can’t even engage with the basic plot of this, because the movie fails that most basic line of empathy. You’ll never hear me say that all wealthy people are bad, but can we at least stop pretending that those who have everything are somehow victims? What hardships have they ever truly faced? You have to make up convoluted crap like Anniversary just to even broach the subject, even though everyone’s sympathies will always be with the ones who have nothing. How is this a hard concept to grasp? I’m not saying that every movie should be some class warfare revenge fantasy, but it would be nice if studios would stop greenlighting projects that are more tone deaf than Jennifer Lopez without Auto-Tune!
***
And now, at long last, we reach the bottom of October’s barrel – I presume it’s filled with apples to bob – “The Worst Trailer in the World.” Once again I must apologize for there not being an original video for the third straight month, but as I explained in the preamble, free time has been at a premium of late. I picked the “winner,” downloaded the trailer, and even started writing the jokes last weekend, fully intending to return to my YouTube greatness, but alas, I’ve just got my fingers in too many sinister soups at the moment, and I’ve been exhausted all week. So, once more, and hopefully for the last time, it’s just a title and a standard breakdown.
Tron: Ares – October 10
I confess I’ve never seen either of the previous Tron films. I know, I know, I’m a cinematic fraud. Still, my understanding was that the series – or at least the original movie – was about a programmer getting transported inside a computer game and having to find a way to survive and escape. So how the hell did we go from that to Jared Leto as an AI super soldier? Like seriously, what dots were the uninitiated like me supposed to connect here?
Once again we have a bunch of CGI slop that’ll probably get shortlisted for the Visual Effects Oscar, which means I might have to see this anyway (I’m guessing it’ll be on Disney+ by the time nominations come out), and yet again, in an era where AI is being forced on the public, obscuring truth, stealing data, and eventually coming for people’s jobs, we’re presented with a sci-fi scenario where the AI is somehow the HERO. Did we learn nothing from The Creator?
Anyway, here are some of the first draft jokes I had for the video that never materialized:
- Did Dr. Robotnik design these ships?
- Uh, no, we have not been wondering if we’re alone “since time began.” Time dawned billions of years before humans existed, and even then, for the first few hundred thousand years, all we did when looking at the stars was think of how they might kill us, or how we might kill others for worshipping the wrong stars.
- When did Nintendo start making Disney logos for the Virtual Boy?
- “He’s biblically strong?” So his strength is made up? Oh yeah, I said it, COME AND GET ME ANGEL STUDIOS!
- “Supremely intelligent?” We’re talking about the guy who agreed to do Morbius, right?
- Disney, seriously, Infinity War was six years ago. Stop disintegrating people already!
- Why does “the ultimate soldier” have multiple body types?
- “I’m looking for something. Something that I do not understand.” You mean, like, any explanation for your version of the Joker?
- Jeff Bridges looks more checked out than the Dude in any scene not involving bowling.
- Oh sure, your chem trails can cut through a plane, but can they stop the government from turning the frogs gay?!?!?!?!?!
- Having the frontman from 30 Seconds to Mars as your star but having Nine Inch Nails do the soundtrack is probably the biggest admission of this film’s quality that Disney would ever allow.
Yeah, I’m not enthused.
***
Finally, we conclude this month’s proceedings the way we always do, with a little bit of hope in the form of the “Redemption Reel.” October is supposed to be the month when the best horror movies come out, but far too often it’s the opposite. There are some decent candidates in the running, however, and this one intrigues me most of all.
Good Boy – October 3
I mean, it’s a horror movie, taken from the point of view of a dog. It’s such a simple idea, and yet I’m amazed I’ve never seen it attempted until now. You know me, folks. You know I love dogs to an almost irrational degree. They’re better than most humans as far as I’m concerned. So the premise already has me hooked, and the trailer itself shows us a lot of genuinely creepy imagery juxtaposed with the canine actor’s very expressive reactions. I honestly wonder what it was like during filming, because dogs can be very hard to work with on set. One of the fun “inside baseball” facts I learned a few years ago is that in most modern movies starring dogs, their tails are composited with CGI because most of the time, they’re wagging excitedly while shooting. Given that this is a horror picture, I wonder how much of the dog’s emoting was genuine and what was artificial. Either way, based on this small sample size, I’m convinced it looks real, unlike say, Krypto in this summer’s Superman movie, which was intentionally digital and over-the-top.
I also kind of just want to see this after the last month I’ve spent in the field soliciting. A lot of the houses I knock on have dogs, and the vast majority of them bark when I approach. Some are big, some are small, most are just excited that there’s a new person at the door. If a resident or homeowner lets their dog come to the door, they just want to play with me. I met a big ol’ baby of a Chocolate Lab a couple weeks ago named Ralph who greeted me like I was his long lost best buddy. I’m honestly thinking of carrying treats with me for such encounters.
But there have been a few situations that were borderline dangerous. My first day on my own, a guard dog actually kicked the screen door open and almost charged me, stopped at the last second by his owner. Another barked and growled at me in a very threatening manner, and the owner then berated me for not “taking the hint” and leaving, because how dare I try to sell him anything. Last week a guy was walking his German Shepherd across the street from where I was knocking, and he took it upon himself to denigrate and harass me about how nobody likes guys like me who knock on doors. He then crossed the street to talk to the man at the house next door and insult me further. When I told him he was being rude and disrespectful, he told me that he didn’t care, that he didn’t want me in “his” neighborhood (my turf was literally four blocks from my own house, so it’s my neighborhood, too), and that if I had a problem with it the Shepherd would be happy for an early lunch. Hell, I went to one house where they’d already replaced one of their windows because their Great Dane had gotten too excited and literally jumped through the glass one day.
The only defense I have in these situations is what’s called a Doggy Dazer. It looks like a remote garage door opener, with a single button that when pressed emits a high-frequency sound designed to confuse canines within a 20-foot radius. Unlike dog whistles, it doesn’t hurt the animals, just distracts them for a moment so that they don’t attack. They’ll still bark, sometimes quite loudly and aggressively, but they won’t strike.
I don’t hold any of this against the pups, mind you. They’re doing exactly what they’re supposed to do, protecting their humans, and again, all but a very few know I’m not a threat, and many just want to exchange head scritches for cuddles. But seeing a movie like Good Boy does make me wonder what goes through their heads whenever I approach. I know I’m not going to burgle the place or hurt anyone, but they don’t. I’m a stranger, and with my uniform shirt and hat, I could even be mistaken for a mailman in their eyes. So the idea of a horror film centered on this combination of instinct and training is quite fascinating to me.
***
That’s, mercifully, all for this month. As ever, I hope you enjoy yourselves at the theatre no matter what you go see, and I hope you have a terrific Halloween. I’ll be celebrating my nephew’s birthday and eating ALL the Twix I can find. See you next time, everybody!
Join the conversation in the comments below! Are you planning to see any of these films? Was I too hard on any of them? Can someone seriously diagnose Luca Guadagnino’s obsession with weird sex? Let me know! And remember, you can follow me on Twitter (fuck “X”) as well as Bluesky, subscribe to my YouTube channel for even more content, and check out the entire BTRP Media Network at btrpmedia.com!
I Actually Paid To See This 