You ever get that feeling that no matter how hard you try, everything not only turns out wrong, but seems designed to make life that much worse by its very existence? That's what the last several months have been for me. Between being unemployed for nearly a year, approaching a phase of literal worthlessness, insulting … Continue reading This Film Is Not Yet Watchable – July 2025
Yes, folks, you read that right. Part. One! For the first time ever, I am forced to split the monthly preview parodying into two installments. I have to do this for three reasons. One is that I just wrapped up a show I've been working on for the last six months (keep an eye out … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – August 2024, Part One
Let's face facts, folks. The first two months of this year have been grim from a movie standpoint. January and February typically aren't bastions of quality, mind you, but usually there's something to latch onto as a genuine hit, perhaps even a surprising one. To say that this has not been the case in 2024 … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – March 2024
It's been said time and time again that great writers simply write what they know. If we extend the old adage to screenwriter Jason Fuchs, who penned Matthew Vaughn's latest, Argylle, then we're left to assume that all he knows is spy movie clichés. At minimum the basic ideas of "plot" and "character" may be … Continue reading Kitty Litter – Argylle
The beginning of October marks the official start of "Spooky Season," where we all celebrate the things that give us just the right kinds of scares. It's also the start of "Knockoff Month," where we all roll our eyes and laugh at the cheap imitations of things that are supposed to be worthwhile. Yes, whether … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – October 2023
When the trailers for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem first came out, I was a little bit skeptical, mostly because the 2007 animated film felt uninspired and later Michael Bay did his level best to destroy yet another beloved institution of my childhood. It had been a long time since the original TV cartoon … Continue reading Shell-tered Youth – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem
There have been a lot of movies over the last decade based on consumer products. Most of them are thinly-veiled, feature-length commercials. But every once in a while, a film breaks through and becomes an essential part of our cultural conversation, like The Lego Movie. We can safely add Greta Gerwig's Barbie to that short … Continue reading Life in Plastic – Barbie
Over the last few years, the DC Extended Universe has seemingly - and finally - come into its own. With dud after dud from Batman v. Superman to Justice League, the ship really feels like its been righted, thanks to the overwhelming success of Wonder Woman, Birds of Prey, and Shazam!. There's still a misstep … Continue reading This is What Happens When You Try – The Suicide Squad
With the fall season in full swing, the jockeying for position for next year's Oscars kicks into high gear. We've already hit the deadlines and announcements for submissions in Animated Feature and International Feature. On November 21, we'll have the nominees for the Independent Spirit Awards, and in early December we'll get the Oscar shortlists. … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – November 2019
Judd Apatow technically only gets a Special Thanks credit on the parent/teenager sex romp comedy, Blockers (illustrated with a chicken before the word in case you needed something to slap you across the face), but his fingerprints are all over it. The film is produced in part by Seth Rogen, there are dick jokes to beat … Continue reading Hugs, Drugs, and Butt Chugs – Blockers
I Actually Paid To See This 