I think we can safely call it at this point, 2024 has not been a great year for film. Sure, there have been a few genuinely superlative entries here and there, but for the most part, even the best movies have been largely unmemorable. Pretty much all the major contenders for Awards Season were crammed into the last two months, a somewhat crass exercise highlighted by the fact that we were bombarded with ads and tie-ins for Wicked since March. You can make the argument that there’s more intrigue in what will win the Razzie for Worst Picture (major candidates include Borderlands, Madame Web, Megalopolis, Joker 2, Argylle, The Crow, Imaginary, Reagan, and Poolman among others) than the Oscar for Best Picture.
I’ve done my best to at least help you brace for the deluge of shit through this column, but it has been overwhelming to say the least. Last year I featured 122 previews in this space, essentially 10 per month, which isn’t great. There should be, at most, eight, and that’s being generous. For 2024, including those highlighted here tonight, the total is 159. Now obviously, not all of those turned out to be actual bad films. I’d wager the number that ended up being good is about the same as legit entries here that starred Russell Crowe. But even so, 159 is just unacceptable. It’s an average of 13.25 per month, or essentially three per week. You could literally use an AMC Stubs account to watch all of them for “free,” and you’d still be paying too much. The “best” months were May and June, tied with nine each, while August required a two-parter because it had 21, followed closely by October with 20.
This is a year that saw every lame sci-fi concept imaginable thrown at the wall, and none of them stuck. This was a year that saw great actresses repeatedly slumming it as they rehash old jokes about motherhood being hard. This was a year that somehow never ran out of absurd premises for horror movie killers. This was a year that saw so many Christian propaganda films that I’m sure Jesus himself doesn’t even want to celebrate his birthday. Hell, this was a year where several people suggested I kill myself for daring to make fun of a CGI ape. It’s been a LOT.
So how do we wrap this up for the year? How do we put a bow on our shitty proceedings? Well, the first is that I’m seriously considering changing my inclusion criteria going forward. My normal benchmark is that I only note films that are intended for theatrical release and/or receive a rating from the MPAA. That may have to be altered just for the sake of my own sanity, as the bulk of the trailers I mock here are for streaming-only films that just so happened to get cleared in case the studio opted for a theatre run. Depending on how January and February look, I might just nix streaming movies altogether. There are the few odd successes, but over the last two years I’ve certainly noticed the trend that if a movie is only on Disney+ or Netflix, it’s usually crap, and its relegation is a sign from the studio and distributor that they don’t have any confidence that it will be quality, or even profitable. This is especially true for the Amazon and Paramount films that weirdly release on Thursdays instead of Fridays, as if they want to try to get just a taste of viewership before the weekend proper.
The second is that we’re going to be a little festive tonight. It’s the holiday season, and I hope we’re all in relatively good places, shopping for gifts, singing songs, sitting on Santa’s lap, and planning various bits of revelry with family and friends. So in that spirit, let’s have a bit of fun with this month’s list. There are, appropriately enough, 12 trailers that have “earned” their spot here, so I can think of no better sendoff to this dumpster fire of a year than to just lean in.
This is the December 2024 edition of “This Film is Not Yet Watchable!” Or rather, just this once, “The 12 Days of Shitflicks!”
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 12 Seconds of Content…
The Brutalist – December 20
A couple of notes on this one. First, as you can probably already tell, we’re not going in chronological order this month. I figured once I came up with the gimmick, I might as well commit, and that means jumping around the calendar a bit.
Second, I don’t think this film will actually be bad. In fact, it will likely be spectacular. It cleaned up at the Venice Film Festival (including winning the Silver Lion for Best Director) and was named by AFI as one of its Top 10 of the year. This will likely be a major awards favorite.
It just so happens to be marketed with a terrible trailer. Just over a minute long, pretty much all the footage is covered by the title, a font of the cast (with very weird spacing for Adrien Brody and Felicity Jones’ names), and a coincidental (I hope) slate of five different news outlets calling it “monumental.” We basically have nothing to go on in terms of story, other than a few clips of New York and the line, “Welcome to America” to hint that this is some kind of immigrant tale.
I’m sure it will be fine, or even great. But as far as giving audiences the information needed to go check it out, it’s basically this year’s Tár. Remember that from a couple years ago, when the entire trailer was a narrator reading one of Cate Blanchett’s monologues while we just stared at her slowly blowing cigarette smoke out of her mouth? I get the same vibe with this. Hopefully it will be just as entertaining, or at minimum not as pretentious in its presentation, but your guess is as good as mine.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 11 Months Too Late…
Dirty Angels – December 13
If you’re like me, this year has been particularly frustrating from a political perspective, as somehow America decided it hates women so much that they’d rather elect a rapist convict President than someone with two X chromosomes. Part of the reason this has been so nauseating is because basic facts were ignored or dismissed in favor of batshit talking points about Haitians eating dogs and core freedoms being negotiable if the price of eggs comes down 10 cents.
One of the longer standing lies about Joe Biden’s administration is about how he totally fucked up our withdrawal from Afghanistan in 2021. To be clear, it was a disaster, but anyone paying attention knows it wasn’t his fault, nor was it Kamala Harris’ by extension. In the waning days of his first term in office, Donald Trump negotiated with the Taliban, going around the Afghan government, to essentially promise them that we’d leave by a certain date, giving them free reign to retake the country. Trump even openly bragged about how he screwed Biden over, leaving him no recourse but to abide by the agreement and usher in the murderous chaos. It was disgusting, and yet it was barely mentioned in the campaign.
Assuming it’s not just two hours of hot garbage, Dirty Angels could have helped things had it come out earlier in the year. It’s just your mindless bit of shoot ’em up action helmed by Martin Campbell, the “genius” behind Green Lantern, but it’s about a group of women trying to blast their way out of a war zone shit show for the ages, so had it been released in a more timely fashion, maybe someone could have used it to point out just how deathly incompetent Trump is and how crucial it is for women to take leadership roles.
I mean, we’re literally a month from seeing a drunken sexual abuser who believes women have no place in the military taking over the Department of Defense, and Trump’s own kids said in 2016 that we should all have to watch Michael Bay’s awful Benghazi movie as a prerequisite for voting rights, so turnabout’s fair play. Besides, it’s not like the situation could get much worse.
But yeah, this is gonna suck.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 10 Tons of Bullshit…
Werewolves – December 6
This comes out today, and, I mean, what can you honestly say? This is pure schlock. What would you want to focus on? The awful CGI? The worse acting? The laughable premise that a “supermoon” can turn humans into lycanthropes? Lou Diamond Phillips looking more tired than I am half the time? The fact that the allegedly badass line of “BITE ME!” doesn’t sync up with the lip movements?
Take your pick. No matter what element you choose to fixate on to prove that this should have never seen the light of day, or even a straight-to-video release, you’ll have plenty of fodder. Honestly, the most tragic part is that Blumhouse is coming out with a Wolfman movie next month, so this will be forgotten within days, meaning everyone involved in this suffered for nothing.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 9/11 Incompetence…
Carry-On – December 13
It’s been over 20 years since the September 11th Terrorist Attacks, and we’ve gotten used to one of the biggest inconveniences of travel in its aftermath, the TSA. Long lines, invasive scans, annoyed and disinterested agents, it’s all basically a cliché at this point. But that doesn’t mean these aren’t hard workers doing their best to make a living. I should know. I once tried to join them. Back in 2005 I went through a rigorous three-month testing and interview process on the faint hope of part-time work at my local airport in Rochester with future prospects for overtime and full-time hire. That’s how desperate I was for any kind of employment after college. And despite it all, I didn’t get picked.
So of course, what better way to illustrate this than with a Phone Booth ripoff that wastes Taron Egerton and Jason Bateman? Every second of this preview is a tired espionage trope, from the innocent girlfriend caught in the crosshairs, to the so-called slick threat who would have been flagged and stopped the moment he entered the airport, to the fact that the entire plan hinges on the TSA agent simply letting a carry-on bag through his scanner without notice even though there are supervisors and backup monitors double-checking things constantly in case someone misses something or becomes compromised.
This is just insulting, and it’s a waste of talented actors. If you need more proof, just look at the distribution. This is a Netflix film, and the preeminent streaming service goes HARD during Awards Season. They’re quite aggressive in their marketing, including publishing a publicly available For Your Consideration page with all the projects they’re putting their weight behind. You know what you don’t see on that page? This. This movie is nowhere to be found, because despite the release date, they know this is mindless garbage that lacks any real substance.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 8 Chapters of The Odyssey…
The Return – December 6
This is another one that I don’t necessarily think will be bad. It’s got a 72% rating on Rotten Tomatoes as of the time of writing. And honestly, it’s kind of hard to go wrong with the likes of Ralph Fiennes and Juliette Binoche. It’s just… I know this story. It’s really long. And it appears we’re only adapting about a third of it for the purposes of this movie.
So, a bit of an explanation. Homer’s Odyssey is one of the great ancient Greek epic poems. It’s divided into 24 books and told through multiple perspectives, chiefly Odysseus, the king of the island of Ithaca, and his son Telemachus. Odysseus spends 10 years fighting the Trojan War, and eventually winning it thanks to the Trojan Horse idea. But that only succeeds because the god Poseidon prevents the Greeks from being discovered. When the war ends, Odysseus brashly takes all the credit, earning Poseidon’s ire, and the god of the sea spends the next 10 years doing everything in his power to prevent Odysseus from returning home as punishment. He goes through many trials, encounters many mythical beasts and deities, and his entire crew are eventually sacrificed in the process of getting back to Ithaca. When he finally does make it back, 20 years after he left, his wife Penelope is beset by over 100 suitors trying to convince her that Odysseus is dead and trying to win her hand in marriage so that they can assume the throne and partake of his riches.
This is a massive story, one that I read my freshman year of high school, and it can be very dense in places. I remember it being adapted into a TV miniseries that same year for NBC, starring the likes of Armand Assante, Isabella Rossellini, Christopher Lee, Vanessa Williams, Eric Roberts, and Bernadette Peters at her most smoke show-y. It was a very ambitious project filled with 90s A-listers, and it was all for a two-part TV movie. Taking out the commercials, the film runs just shy of three hours, and it barely covers most of the major plot points. Even then, at times it’s the CliffsNotes version, like combining the run-ins with Scylla and Charybdis into one encounter rather than two, omitting the sirens, and severely curtailing Odysseus’ trip to the Underworld.
So you can imagine a bit of trepidation on my part to learn that The Return comes in at just under two hours, and is really only focused on what happens once Odysseus gets back to Ithaca. That essentially comprises the first and last four books of the poem, a compelling piece of the story certainly, but one that ignores all the most memorable parts of the trip that makes this epic well, epic. All the fantastical elements are essentially set aside in favor of what looks to be a basic revenge flick with a Greek backdrop. I’m not saying it’ll be terrible, but knowing how incredible and imaginative this story is, it feels like we’re being shortchanged.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 7 Separate Jaw Drops
The Little Mermaid – December 17
No, you are not imagining things. This is real. Lionsgate actually gave this money and agreed to put it out. I thought it couldn’t get worse than the Disney remake, but I would watch that shit 20 times over before I willingly sat through this.
I mean, The Little Mermaid, everyone’s favorite tale of an adult trying to fuck a fish this side of The Shape of Water, is being reduced to a combination of horror, adventure, and erotic thriller films, as if someone got really high, watched Jade and Indiana Jones and thought, “What if we do it with a hot killer mermaid?”
I’m flabbergasted. My gast is literally flabbered. How does something like this even happen? Who throws money at this? Who sits in an office, looks over a pitch, and decides that THIS deserves funding over how many thousands of genuinely thoughtful and interesting passion projects that go wanting?
I thought maybe, just maybe, since it was Lionsgate and they’re into grittier, more violent fare these days, that this might be something akin to an accurate adaptation of the original story by Hans Christian Andersen where there is no happy ending and the mermaid kills herself. That would be far more interesting and far less insulting to our intelligence. Halfway through watching this trailer I honestly had to check myself and physically push my bottom jaw back into place. That’s how astoundingly awful this is. If you want to know just how bad 2024 cinema was, this is about as prime an example as any. This doesn’t even have the self-aware camp value of Blood and Honey.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 6 Triple Eight…
The Six Triple Eight – December 6
This one is a part of Netflix’s FYC campaign, but don’t read too much into it. This is a Tyler Perry movie, which means it’s probably full of Tyler Perry tropes, particularly about how great black women are, especially if they’ve found Jesus and the right man to take care of them.
Like Red Tails, The Tuskegee Airmen, and Glory before it, The Six Triple Eight looks to lionize an unsung regiment of black soldiers in American history. Unlike those other movies, however, their task has nothing to do with combat or tactics, but is instead about delivering post. It’s a crucial job, don’t get me wrong, but it doesn’t exactly carry the dramatic weight of being constantly shot at, which only makes the patronizing and insulting comments from racists and sexists – and their accompanying clapbacks from the likes of Kerry Washington and Oprah Winfrey – all the more transparent and eye roll-inducing.
You want to know how pointless this movie is? It’s a story about black women doing their part to make America better and win the fight against fascism… and they released it a month after a black woman lost to a fascist. Clearly if this movie had anything relevant to say, it would have been released when it could have actually helped do some good.
Really, there’s only one reason this is part of the FYC package. It’s because THIS is our annual “Diane Warren Has Dirt on the Music Branch So We’re Somehow Obligated to Nominate Her for Original Song Even Though She’ll Never Win” entry for 2024. Warren wrote “The Journey” for the film, which is performed by H.E.R., who doesn’t need to be a front for Warren, as she’s already won an Oscar in her own right (“Fight for You” from Judas and the Black Messiah). I haven’t heard the song yet, but based on precedent, I’m going to guess it only plays during the credits, and it’s about how awesome the listener is and how they can accomplish anything through the power of having a uterus or something. Call it a hunch. Anyway, she’s already won the Hollywood Music in Media Award for Original Song, but that doesn’t necessarily foretell a victory on Oscar Night, as she’s won this award twice before. It’s a token acknowledgement at this point, more for the fact that we just don’t bother seeking out actual options for new music in film anymore.
So yeah, the film will campaign hard, this will be the only nomination it gets, and yet again we’ll have to pretend a throwaway movie about nothing actually matters until she loses once more.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 5 HUNDRED SHADES OF GREY!
Babygirl – December 25
Merry Christmas, everyone. Here’s Nicole Kidman getting plowed by a man half her age in a way that jeopardizes her career and home life. You know, in case you didn’t watch A Family Affair six months ago.
Yes, Kidman is back to rob the proverbial cradle, only this time she’s a busy businesswoman who’s very busy with business, which means that what she really needs and wants is for a man to boss her around and totally dominate her. She’s on top of the world, commanding a financial empire, but deep down all successful women just want to be told what to do by a man. Great messaging.
This time, her dicking comes in the form of Harris Dickinson, cast purely on name alone I’m guessing, and the whole thing looks like a ripoff of that… other BDSM franchise that makes me suppress a vomit every time I think about it. To be clear, I don’t care who anyone fucks or whatever age gap there might be. Consenting adults can do what they want. I just don’t find it entertaining to play the same dynamics over and over again and pretend it’s somehow new.
That’s the weird thing here. Critics somehow seem to like this one, and have praised Kidman’s performance. A Family Affair was rightfully raked over the coals, earning a generous 36% rating. This, however, after its festival run, has a 91% rating. How? How does Kidman boinking a relative child get lambasted on one hand and get praised on the other when she does it again?
My only theory is that we’re all engaging in a bit of sadism here. After three years of those AMC ads, all I can think is that we’re all hankerin’ for Nicole to get a good spankerin’. It’s the only explanation that makes any sense. She needs to be punished for what she’s put audiences through, and if we get a bit of hardcore nudity in the process (she’s 57 and there’s not a straight man alive who wouldn’t go for it if given the chance), then maybe it’s worth it.
Best I can come up with.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 4 Doomsday Preppers…
Homestead – December 20
This one would be easily ignorable if not for one crucial element revealed at the end. Produced on a fairly low budget and starring straight-to-video savant Neal McDonough, Homestead is your typical post-apocalyptic action filler where survivors of a nuclear attack cloister themselves in a multi-acre fortress of a family manor and shoot everyone who dares breach the perimeter. It’s framed as a story where people who “believe in miracles” watch America crumble, and then they’re left to rebuild. Typical gun nut nonsense.
What shocked me was the text after the title slate, which promises that this is both a movie and a TV series, essentially making this a pilot you have to pay to see. That’s supremely bad form, and it’s a tactic I’ve only seen once before. That was in 2008 with the Star Wars: The Clone Wars movie. That film sucked out loud, as it was far too cartoony and childish for the more mature themes of the saga (at the time), it was weird having Christopher Lee and Samuel L. Jackson voicing their characters knowing they weren’t going to be in the show, and the introduction of Ahsoka Tano definitely rubbed some people the wrong way, as many just saw her as a Togruta version of Jake Lloyd.
Now, as it turned out, the actual Clone Wars show was brilliant. The action was solid, the animation improved steadily over time, the storylines were nuanced and explored properly, and Ahsoka became a certified badass to the point where she got her own underwhelming Disney+ show. So, to be as generous and diplomatic as possible, maybe Homestead will wind up being a great series. Still though, if this is the first look, then to say the least it’s not promising.
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 3 Spidey Spinoffs
Kraven the Hunter – December 13
I dare you to watch this trailer and not laugh. Seriously, this has to be a joke, right? This is the third separate spinoff of the Spider-Man franchise that Sony has shit out this year, and just like the others, it looks ripe for the mockery it will soon receive. It may not be as bad as Madame Web, but few things can be, and it’s yet another notch on the studio’s prized bedpost of fucking over Spidey fans just to hold onto the IP license.
The only thing this remotely has going for it is that it’s leaning into its R-rating, with all the CGI blood you can handle. But even then it has to be taken with a massive grain of salt in the wound. Just because you’re willing to swear liberally and spray some viscera doesn’t mean you actually have something to say. You’re not Deadpool. Aaron Taylor-Johnson looks absurd throughout this exercise in crass capitalism, but not in the fun way that Ryan Reynolds has pulled off for the last decade.
More to the point, though, between this, Morbius, and the Venom movies, can we stop trying to turn Spider-Man’s best villains into morally ambiguous anti-heroes? What’s wrong with just being a bad guy? I mean, in the real world, quite a lot, but in the fantasy of comic book movies, we enjoy seeing what the rogues can do. It’s part of the fun of escapism, knowing they can just be awful while still being compelling. They can have layers and backstory to inform their behavior, but they still need to be awesomely deranged for us to engage. The best villains in these worlds are the ones that push the envelope with their villainy or make it feel real and believable, not the ones who somehow find someone even worse to make them look good by comparison. You can’t neuter your antagonists like that. Otherwise you end up with a Joker who simps for a starfucker until he gets unceremoniously shanked by the “real” Joker, and who’d want that?
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me… 2 Generations of Nepotism…
The Last Showgirl – December 13
There’s been an odd trend in recent years to give middle-aged actresses who were mostly just seen for their sex appeal a moment in the spotlight for some unexpected prestige fare. For Demi Moore it was The Substance earlier this year (which I haven’t seen but I hear is great). For Jennifer Lopez, it’s literally everything she’s made since she somehow didn’t get an Oscar for playing a stripper. Now, of all people, Pamela Anderson gets her turn with The Last Showgirl.
On the surface, I’m intrigued, as the idea of a faded Vegas showgirl has merit, and can be done in a way that doesn’t invite the so-bad-it’s-good self-parody that was Showgirls. However, upon watching the trailer, I can’t get behind this. Sometimes we just have to admit that some actors aren’t all that good, and Pamela Anderson is one of them. She’s a lovely person inside and out, and she was a great sport in Borat, but the reason no one took her seriously as an actress is because she really can’t act that well. She still had an amazingly successful career. I take nothing away from that. But everyone has a ceiling, and there’s no shame in admitting that she hit hers a while ago.
Yet here we are, trying to pretend this is Mickey Rourke in The Wrestler or Michael Keaton in Birdman or Bill Murray in Lost in Translation. She’s just not on that level, and once you realize that, you start to see the cracks forming as Roadside Attractions tries to cynically turn this into an awards contender.
First off, you have Gia Coppola at the helm, granddaughter of Francis and niece of Sofia. So that’s another generation of Coppola nepotism trying to elevate a subpar-looking project on name alone (and we saw how that worked out already once this year). Then you see the trailer peppered with festival laurels and pull quotes about a “transformative” performance, which is mostly just a buzzword for, “Hey, I didn’t recognize this person who hasn’t made a film in nearly 30 years (remember Barb Wire? I do).” Then you look at the camera angles, the lighting, and the desperate grin on Anderson’s face and realize that Coppola is just making her version of a Darren Aronofsky film like Black Swan or Requiem for a Dream.
Finally, if you’re really paying attention, you see the caption text of the video itself. It’s cut off in the thumbnail, but if you look on the YouTube page, the full slug for the clip is “THE LAST SHOWGIRL | Official Teaser | At AMC Century City on 12/13 for one week & Theaters 1/10.” That’s right, this film is trying to sneak into the conversation via the Academy’s one-week eligibility run rule, then coast on marketing for a full month, gambling that it’ll get a Golden Globe or Oscar nomination (the former set comes out on Monday, while the Academy announces on January 17, conveniently a week after this film’s actual release date) that they can use to artificially prop this up.
Sorry, I’ve been in this game too long not to notice these things. Maybe this will turn out to be spectacular and revive Anderson’s career. I highly doubt it, but I’ve been wrong before. However, unless you live here in Los Angeles and can get to the Century City AMC (one of the three I regularly frequent, so I have little to worry about) in that tiny window, you don’t get to actually see one of the so-called best films of 2024 until 2025. To me, that’s cheating.
***
And with that, you all know what time it is. It’s time to end our little carol with “The Worst Trailer in the World!” This was initially a very easy choice, then it wasn’t, as Babygirl and Kraven the Hunter made strong cases for their respective strong odors. But in the end, there really couldn’t be anything else, especially given all the crap we’ve waded through this year. So sing along!
On these 12 Days of Shitflicks, the studios gave to me…
12 Seconds of Content
11 Months Too Late
10 Tons of Bullshit
9/11 Incompetence
8 Chapters of The Odyssey
7 Separate Jaw Drops
6 Triple Eight
5 HUNDRED SHADES OF GREY!
Bud-um Dum Dum
4 Doomsday Preppers
3 Spidey Spinoffs
2 Generations of Nepotism…
And a Remake Prequel by Disney!
Mufasa: The Lion King – December 20
I’m genuinely happy James Earl Jones didn’t live to see this.
***
Finally, it’s time for a little holiday cheer, ending as we always do with this month’s “Redemption Reel.” Now, you may recall last month that my “Worst Trailers” were for Christmas movies that were inappropriately shoehorned into November, so you may question my choice of a horror film as the best offering now. But to be clear, this isn’t a Halloween movie, just horror, so it’s not the same.
Nosferatu – December 25
People, you know me. You know I hate remakes. Ninety-nine percent of them are nothing more than soulless, creatively bankrupt, empty cash grabs. But you also know I have exceptions to the rule if you give me a compelling reason, and this has several.
First, it’s directed by Robert Eggers, one of the modern masters of atmospheric suspense. This is the man who made Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe grunting at each other compelling, thrilling cinema. If anyone’s earned a bit of deference, it’s him. Second, the cinematography and lighting scheme looks insane just from the trailer. If this is any indication, then Jarin Blaschke better have his phone ready for the Academy’s call next month. Third, Bill Skarsgård is playing Count Orlok. I can’t wait to see how he looks, given how awesome and creepy he looked as Pennywise. Fourth, credit to the trailer for not spoiling the reveal. This is proper marketing, because it gives us an actual enticement. And fifth, the original film came out in 1922. I think 102 years is more than enough of a grace period to take another crack at it. The first Nosferatu remains timeless, and a century of space won’t dilute it. If anything, it’ll provide a new appreciation for that masterpiece of unauthorized adaptation, and given that this is Robert Eggers, I’m sure the end result will be both terrifying and respectful.
***
That’s all for this month and for this year, folks! Now to get to the sheer marathon of screenings and reviews I’ve got ahead of me for December in anticipation of the Academy shortlists and nominations. As always, I hope you enjoy yourselves no matter what you go see, and I wish you all the happiest of holiday seasons.
Join the conversation in the comments below! Do you plan to see any of these films? Was I too hard on any of them? When will the parade of horrible Spider-adjacent movies end? Let me know! And remember, you can follow me on Twitter (fuck “X”) and subscribe to my YouTube channel for even more content, and check out the entire BTRP Media Network at btrpmedia.com!
I Actually Paid To See This 