Despite my inordinate amount of snark and cynicism, I'm being completely honest when I say that I want to see the positive in just about everything. Even for a film like Jurassic World Dominion, the teaser of which I named as "The Worst Trailer in the World... This Month," one that I knew based on … Continue reading Insert Extinction Joke Here – Jurassic World Dominion
As I watched the utterly delightful The Phantom of the Open the other day, I had an odd thought. Given all of the various movie franchises we've got crammed into our collective consciousness these days, this film provides an opportunity for something truly groundbreaking. What we need are cinematic universes where Mark Rylance gets to … Continue reading The Road to Perfection – The Phantom of the Open
It is undeniable that David Cronenberg is a master of body horror. Just look at The Fly, Scanners, or the fact that an early episode of Rick and Morty used his name as a verb when it came to a mishap that turned everyone on Earth into amorphous mutants. It is further undeniable that apart … Continue reading One Word: Plastics – Crimes of the Future
I've been a fan of Bob's Burgers from the very beginning. From the first episode, I have been enamored with Loren Bouchard's distinctly kooky characters and the lovably insane Jersey Shore-like world. So you can imagine that when The Bob's Burgers Movie was announced back in 2017, I was just as excited as I was … Continue reading Order Up! – The Bob’s Burgers Movie
Ten points if you get the reference in the thumbnail. The points have no value. One day they will. I have faith. But for now... no. Anyway, we're nearly halfway through 2022, which is shaping up to be better for film than the last two years. The pandemic is still going on, but most of … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – June 2022
The long-awaited sequel to Top Gun has had its release delayed multiple times due to the COVID pandemic, and to his credit, Tom Cruise fought tooth and nail to ensure that the film would get a full theatrical release rather than going to streaming, as I'm sure its studio, Paramount, would have preferred simply for … Continue reading I Can Admit When I’m Wrong – Top Gun: Maverick
My sister brought up an amazing point the other day, and it's been weighing on my mind ever since. It was in reference to her hesitation to watch the Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers movie, but it really could apply to a number of films released over the past few years, especially the ones that … Continue reading It’s Fun, Once They’re Involved – Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers
Writer/director Alex Garland has received considerable praise during his career, as he's got a real talent for making his audience question what's going on right in front of them, while also making sure to never shy away from pure viscera. Not for shock value, mind you, but because it's germane to the story he's telling. … Continue reading We Really Do Suck Sometimes – Men
It's been seven weeks since one of the most controversial Academy Awards ceremonies ever, to say nothing of recent memory. Relegated categories, bullshit online polls commandeered by Zack Snyder fanboys, Disney commercials disguised as content, The Slap, suffice to say, this was a troubled year. Well, hope springs eternal, as the first major announcement has … Continue reading Fingers Crossed for Improvement – 95th Oscars Announced
A few months ago, I raged at Marvel's Eternals as the worst film of 2021, and I continue to stand by it. It was overcrowded, utterly without plot, and filled to the brim with eyesore special effects. But the worst offense of all was that the so-called "surprise twist" was that the obvious bad guy … Continue reading Disney’s Dark Hold – Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
I Actually Paid To See This 