You may be wondering why this month's column is coming out so late, nine whole days into January. Well, there are three reasons. The first is that, right after Christmas, I got a stye in my left eye. Despite multiple attempts to pop and/or drain it, the thing got so big that my eye was … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – January 2025
I think we can safely call it at this point, 2024 has not been a great year for film. Sure, there have been a few genuinely superlative entries here and there, but for the most part, even the best movies have been largely unmemorable. Pretty much all the major contenders for Awards Season were crammed … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – December 2024
It's been a hot minute since I've posted anything, but for once there's good reason. I spent five days last week covering AFI Fest, taking in a whopping 16 films over the course of the festival. Tomorrow I'll be getting up at the ass crack of dawn for four days of election work going through … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – November 2024
A couple of weeks ago, I took a nasty fall. At least, it was nasty for someone my age. While going out to get some lunch, I ran into a couple of problems. The first was that the restaurant completely flubbed my order by giving me a ton of fries I didn't ask for. I … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – October 2024
To put it lightly, August was... a cultural wasteland, a bubonic plague of cinematic garbage where one disaster after another flooded your local multiplex, to the point that Nicole Kidman saying "We make movies better" actually made you wonder how terrible the flick you watched was before AMC magically improved it by doing nothing. We … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – September 2024
I must begin this unprecedented continuation of this month's column, as I often do, with an apology. At the end of the previous installment, I promised that I would conclude this week with the remaining trailers that have created a record-breaking 21 entries into this monthly project, as well as the "Redemption Reel" and the … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – August 2024, Part Two
Yes, folks, you read that right. Part. One! For the first time ever, I am forced to split the monthly preview parodying into two installments. I have to do this for three reasons. One is that I just wrapped up a show I've been working on for the last six months (keep an eye out … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – August 2024, Part One
Happy birthday, America! Or rather, Happy Barbecue and Fireworks Day, as the Supreme Court decided three days ago to essentially kill the republic by declaring the former President a monarch unaccountable to the law. Hey, we had almost 248 years. It was a good run. In that spirit, I have decided that for this month's … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – July 2024
I think it's safe to say that this has not been a great year for movies thus far. I know the better stuff tends to be backloaded into the latter half of the calendar, particularly during the fall and early winter for Awards Season, but 2024 has noticeably been on the underwhelming side. Normally by … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – June 2024
First things first. Before we get into our usual deluge of potential cinematic shit, a bit of good news. If you've been reading this blog with any regularity, you know that I've been collaborating with my friends at No Rest for the Weekend and Behind the Rabbit Productions for the last few years, sharing some … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – May 2024
I Actually Paid To See This 