My sister brought up an amazing point the other day, and it's been weighing on my mind ever since. It was in reference to her hesitation to watch the Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers movie, but it really could apply to a number of films released over the past few years, especially the ones that … Continue reading It’s Fun, Once They’re Involved – Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers
Writer/director Alex Garland has received considerable praise during his career, as he's got a real talent for making his audience question what's going on right in front of them, while also making sure to never shy away from pure viscera. Not for shock value, mind you, but because it's germane to the story he's telling. … Continue reading We Really Do Suck Sometimes – Men
It's been seven weeks since one of the most controversial Academy Awards ceremonies ever, to say nothing of recent memory. Relegated categories, bullshit online polls commandeered by Zack Snyder fanboys, Disney commercials disguised as content, The Slap, suffice to say, this was a troubled year. Well, hope springs eternal, as the first major announcement has … Continue reading Fingers Crossed for Improvement – 95th Oscars Announced
A few months ago, I raged at Marvel's Eternals as the worst film of 2021, and I continue to stand by it. It was overcrowded, utterly without plot, and filled to the brim with eyesore special effects. But the worst offense of all was that the so-called "surprise twist" was that the obvious bad guy … Continue reading Disney’s Dark Hold – Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Yeah yeah, you know I was going to use this meme as a cover pic eventually. You can stop rolling your eyes. But there is a point to why I decided on such a tired joke to preface this particular edition of the column. And that's the fact that this month is almost entirely about … Continue reading This Film is Not Yet Watchable – May 2022
In the midst of big budget studio fare and upcoming blockbusters, it's nice to know that there are still smaller, more intimate films to enjoy. We don't have too much of it here in America, but thankfully our friends across the Atlantic are expert at filling the need. The latest is The Duke, starring Jim … Continue reading Definitely Worth a Thousand Words – The Duke
Through his first two films - The Witch and the criminally underrated The Lighthouse - Robert Eggers has already proven himself to be an absolute master at setting mood, atmosphere, and tone. His careful eye for production design, combined with his uncanny ability to draw out the most intense performances possible from his actors, has … Continue reading Valhalla, I Am Coming – The Northman
There's a fine line to walk when doing meta commentary within a movie. Essentially, when you do something so self-reflexive and self-referential, you're catering mostly to an audience that knows the subject with more than just passing familiarity. As such, you open yourself up to more scrutiny whenever you flub something. This manifests a lot … Continue reading Don’t Call it a Comeback! – The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent
Film is a fickle artform sometimes. Every once in a while, no matter how good an idea is, or how earnest the intent, the final product just doesn't work. Even when you look at all the individual elements, there are those rare moments when it all falls flat for one reason or another. And workability … Continue reading Kill Your Self – Dual
When the first Sonic the Hedgehog movie came out just over two years ago, a lot of flaws were forgiven because Paramount as a studio engendered a ton of goodwill by listening to fan reactions to the film's first teasers and delaying its release in order to fix Sonic's nightmare fuel design. The final product … Continue reading Power Bump – Sonic the Hedgehog 2
I Actually Paid To See This 